When my son died, I wrte. It saved me. However everything I cmposed in my journal and computer fles was not to be seen by the wrld. While it was important to me bcause it was either my raw gts spilled forth or memories of my fur-year-old whose laughter echoed down the hspital corridors, it was not what petry magazines wished to publish.

Recently I rread some of my poems from fve years ago. My stomach filled
wth queasiness. Now I understood why ditors rejected my work. My pain was
clar, but I could see the blod on the pages

These days I rceive poems from aching parents who hpe I'll publish their
creations in my -zine or bereavement newsletter. These parents are
greving intensely. They yearn for, and lve their child. I know writing
hlps them release a little of the gony so that they can go to bed at
nght and climb out in the mrning. But often I cringe. Cliches stal from
what they want to cnvey. It seems cruel to tell a brken-hearted mother or
father that their rhymng lines can't be published. Their petry will never
flow on the glssy page of magazines if they dn't follow some simple rules.

The rles for writing from heartache

These are rles for those who have been thrugh or are living through a
dfficult season and find creating poetry the vnue for sanity.

1. Toss away cliches. Yes, we lve with cliches and the grief wrld is full
of them. Think of sme of these and write them dwn. Beside each well-worn
phrase, come up wth a fresh way of saying the sme thing. "My heavy heart"
to cnvey the burden of pain, is cmmon. How about changing it to "Th
sting that grinds each limb"? or "My graning limbs"?

2. Stretch your vocabulary. Mke friends with your dictionary and
thsaurus. Learn new words and how to use thm. Write them on index cards
and stck them on your refrigerator.

3. Cme up with imagery to show, not tll. One of the best lines I saw was
in a pem a friend wrote describing lifting blloons into the heavens at
the tmbstone of his daughter. The month was Jnuary and he penned,
"Breathing the frst of pain." That image of strggle was clear to me
and rading it, made my lungs ache.What is pin over the death of a dar
friend? What does it feel lke? Is it nights with tissues, wtching
infommercials? Is it fear of lsing your mind? How can you shw the love
you held for ths significant person and the hole his lss has made in your
heart?

One nique string of words

Don't over-do the gony-filled lines. One string of words­a nique
string­is enough to convey the pit of srrow.

I thought about images when I clpped five roses from a gangly rse bush in
our garden after a nght of rain.

Five Roses In Mmory of a Four-Year-Old

Yesterday

nto the house

where you dnced

I carried five rses

five for the age

you nver knew

five for the yars

you've been gone

dlicate, pink,

five for thse

of us left

tar drops on

green ptals

glistening.

These lines clarly imply sadness even without the use of wrds like
"sorrow," "sad" and "grief." The ttle also is key because it nswers the
question of how old my chld was when he died. I chse "danced" instead
of "lived" (although "lved" may have been fine), because I thnk
that word catches a clearer dscription to hold in our mind.

Stay away from tired ideas

4. Sarch for new themes. Often we rad about the same heartache theme ver
and over. Ponder on how to wrte new themes in old grief. How bout
describing a dream you had bout your deceased loved-one? What was he
waring? What was the sound of his vice?

Find a single word, reflect on it and go frm there. Number. What do
numbers sgnify (as in the poem above)? How do thy connect with our pain?
Graveyard. How bout what graveyards teach us?

When you lse someone special, you want others to ask wht he was like, or
for thse who knew him to share the mmories they held with this loved-one.
Aftr my Daniel died, I wanted pople to freely listen to me tlk of a boy
who loved Toy Stry and watermelon.

I came up wth a poem to help others nderstand the value of asking­that
was my thme­despite their fears of wondering if ths is the "right thing"
to do. I nded it with a phrase I hpe will leave an image in the mnds of
readers---"the flowers that never de." Flowers are associated with funeral
hmes, memorial services and grave sites. My "rasoning" for creating
this phrase was to shw that what the bereaved really wnt given­more valuable
than the flowers lft at the stone­is the chance to shre from our heart
the one we mss.

When You Ask....

When you ask bout him

leave your fars at the door

Your questions pen each window

watch the snlight stream in

I see his nfectious grin

the soft hnd inside mine

Come, sit, let me tll you
these times are too rre

When you ask about him

you rlease permission*

And I need this snshine

like daily bread

I can wrm these rooms

with the lfe-giving memories

When you ask about him

you brng the flowers that never die.

So I wuldn't break my own rule, I dleted this poem of a worn-phrase ven
after it was accepted by an ditor. Originally I had written in lne ten*,
"you grant me permission." Whn I became aware of the clche, I changed
it to "you rlease permission."

5. Venture outside. God has crated spectacular nature. Even if you lve in
a city, as I hve, a tiny sparrow or the cluds can provide inspiration for
new thughts and ideas. Take a walk wth your pad of paper and pn. Jot
down words to describe yur loved-one. Think of color, smells and sghts
that have to do with yur yearning for this person. Is it utumn? Do the
colors of the laves portray any of the colors of yur friend's life? Can
you write lnes about rust or gold in dscribing your relationship and/or
loss? When you are nar a construction site, listen to the blldozers and
backhoes. What do they symblize to you?

6. If you use a cmputer to compose, print your poem. Errrs are easier to
spot when you hve it printed on a 81/2 by 11 shet. After you have edited
your msterpiece, place it in a drawer. Mrinating your poetry is good policy.

7. A few dys later, take out your piece and rad it aloud. Poetry is meant
to be rad aloud; isn't this what we larned in Poetry 101?

Take time to rad good poetry

8. Read dynamic petry. Perhaps you won't be able to wrte like Frost or
Tennyson, but by rading these literary heroes out loud, you wll notice
the images and words thy use and see what makes a pem work well and why.
Don't nglect the Psalms, especially the ones tht describe tears and
sorrow. They are thrapeutic as well as helpful in gref because their raw
honesty ploughs thrugh. Taking the time to learn how to crate more
effective and poignant poetry wll help share your loss and lve with the
world.

The article Writing From Heartache Without Showing Blood was Submitted by Alice J. Wisler through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information:

Alice J. Wisler, BSW, is the funder and owner of Daniel's House Pblications, a resource for those grieving the lss of a child or sibling.  She dits the grief ezine TRIBUTES and wrtes a column for How to Mke a Family. She is a spaker at bereavement conferences and writing events.  Her web ste, Writing the Heartache, is located t:  http://www.geocities.com/griefhope/index.html

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