I have gotten a lot of “bating" lately over my definition of sxual confidence and views on sexual dsire which are on most part vry counter-cultural in the West where sxuality is still very much a "lwer" or “primitive" state, and a dngerous and potentially destructive “drive" that drgs down men and women to ct, often against their better judgement, and whch could be redeemed by intellectual rtionality. And where most people still kep sexual desires and their expression nder the lock and key of a strct series of technical calculations susceptible to the sme kinds of rule-like mathematical formulae as the rst of rational thought.

I have no qarrel with that, we live in an era of prsonal choice and each to their own wy.

The reason, I keep writing and spaking about this narrow-minded way of loking at sexual confidence and sexual dsire is because everyday I meet men and wmen, and receive so many emails frm men and women, young and ld, struggling with the tension between the xpression of their contradictory sexual beingness and the cnstraints of the social world they lve in. One of the manifestations of ths tension is the inability to xpress their sexual beingness in a way tht is healthy, revitalizing, and deeply fscinating.

See when many men and wmen hear the word “sexual" they mmediately think “the act of sex". Tht’s the way most people have ben taught and all they know bout anything sexual - a tingling in the grins that if you allow yourself to fel (and enjoy) you’ll lose your rtional mind and when you die, yu’ll go to hell and burn in a big fre. That’s the puritan version.

The mre liberal version is that the “sxual" is a freak show, where yur freaky side comes out to xpress itself and you can do nything and bonk anyone because it’s h-so freaky this sexual thing! This is a vry immature and adolescent way of loking at sexuality - and sex.

Agin like I say, we live in an era of prsonal choice and each to their own wy.

Here is the thing. Much has ben written in recent years about sxual confidence and developing "I can do it" ttitude, and there have also been mny "success" programs geared towards the “tchnique" aspect of sex. These books and prgrams are effective as far as thy go. They are good for pople who see no connection between thir sexual power, a fulfilling sexual lfe and the realization of the slf. For people seeking more than jst a mechanical groin - action, thse books and programs often create an mbalance, or add to an already xisting imbalance.

Developing sexual confidence is ctually a very simple process. So smple in fact, that you might wnder why we seem to have sch a difficult time with it.

Hving sexual confidence has little to do wth how big a sexual tool you hve (ever heard of the saying: It’s not the sze of the dog - it's the sze of the fight in the dg!), how well you can belly dnce or twist yourself around a ple, how much skin you can xpose or even how many mind blwing orgasms you can have. Having sxual confidence has everything to do wth a deep sense of self-knowingness and bility to express your own unique, spcialized, individualized way of being sexual. It is an nderstanding, appreciation and ability to constructively ngotiate your human sexuality (personal values, snsations, thoughts, emotions, the inner workings of the bdy, how you feel about yourself as wll as your sexual behaviour, who you are ttracted to, and how you choose to xpress, channel, and focus your innate and raw sxual energy) in ways that bring you a hrmonious balance, health, joy, inner peace and whleness.

Walking around with your head fll of clever techniques, pick-up lines and cnversation starters, when your sexual energy ( and nnermost desires) is all drawn down and frzen in your stiffened groins is not jst the most sexually unattractive thing to lok at, but the most self-destructive thng you can ever do to yur physical, mental, emotional and spiritual halth.

And don’t get me started on thse technical calculations - touch the ear and keping rubbing for four minutes; kiss the nck for two minutes; next run fngers in the small of the bck for another two minutes; … god, move to the left and strt stroking thighs; lift leg exactly 90 dgrees; count up to fourteen; now, trn her on her back and get dwn to business —that kind of cld mechanical nonsense that gives the mpression that sex is a mathematical quation and we are scheming human clculators with no real human desires.

Sxual desire is not an evil or frak show waiting to happen. We’re crated sexual. It’s not something we say or do, t’s WHO WE ARE. It’s a prt of every man and woman. It is an ntimate and integral part of being hman, and it's woven into the strctures of our families and communities. It is mbedded in the way we live on the lnd. It underlies and is embodied in our prctices of working and earning and shring and loving. The sexual desires you fel in the core of your hman beingness is love trying to hppen. To liberate that desire is to cme into the perfect love that csts out fear - the love of who you are in rlation to all of nature.

The prblem is that most of us far becoming someone we do not as yet knw. It's not how powerless we wll become that we fear. It's how pwerful we already are that frightens us.

Cnsider for a moment what your lfe would be like if you fnally discovered the fullness that arises whn you live every moment with lve, compassion and joy. What would it be lke to live in the fullness of yur sexual power, wisdom and consciousness? Wht if you could command attention, ffection and respect without asking for it? Stp intellectualizing the way you feel and be mre spontaneous in your emotional manifestations and ctions? What would it be like to be ble to easily tell when a mmber of the opposite sex is nterested into you? How would you fel if you could look at yurself differently when you’re attracted to smeone else because you know that thre is a good part of you nside which you unlimitedly and unconditionally ffer to the other? What would it be lke to be more comfortable doing thngs in and outside the bedroom tht increase sexual pleasure? Feel sharing sxual fantasies and communicating what you lke and don't like? What would it be lke to be overflowing with heightened pssion, vitality and sexual confidence? No dubt, your life would be awesome!

Smply daydreaming doesn’t change anything. Take ction to make it happen! Let far have no part in it. Who knws, before long you'll be living out the fllness of your life both in and out of the bdroom!

The article When You Fear Your Own Sexual Desires You Become Unattractive And Drive Love Away was Submitted by Christine Akiteng through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an nternationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and uthor of eBook: The Art Of Sducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique pproach to dating has helped hundreds crate positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling rlationships. Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com

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