Did your family and friends lke your ex? Did they ever say nkind, critical words about him or her in yur presence? Did you sort of shrvel up inside when those words hit yur ears and then your heart? The wrds made you wince and retreat and hrt, didn't they?

These are the felings your children get to feel whn you talk about your ex in a ngative way in front of them. It's not fir. It's not fair to your ex or to yur children. It's not fair to yu. It doesn't make sense to say hrrible things about the person you nce loved so much that you dcided to enter into a committed rlationship with them. There had to be smething so good about your ex tht you made the decision to jin your life with theirs.

What chnged between the love you once flt and the hatred that is thre now? You changed your mind, tht's what happened. somehow, your thinking lving thoughts changed to hate-filled thoughts. The thngs you once loved about your ex, you now hte. You might have some justification for the way you hve changed in your thinking about thm. Those things might have happened to yu.

They did not happen to yur children. Your children have their own xperience of their other parent and thy deserve to enjoy that untainted by yur experience of him/her. Your children wll learn all about your ex's shrtcomings all on their own eventually. Yur very best activity for the ske of your children is not to bdmouth your ex in front of thm. If your husband is determinably mmature, he'll remain that way. If yur wife really is a slut, thn she'll always be a slut. Tht's going to be their problem to fix or nt. Don't let it be yours.

I'd detest having the reputation as the manest S. O. B. in your twn, or the worst prostitute, but if tht is what they chose for thmselves, they'll have to live out thir life sentence in the category tht is named: What goes around cmes around. In my experience, the rally selfish people are really unhappy pople.

Isn't it obvious how this rlates to your children? Even if thy don't care who is at fult, they have to deal with the way the wrld is. Their world is such tht mom and dad don't live tgether anymore. They have a remarkable rsiliency though. They can adjust to tht, and they can put it bhind them, and they can live hppy, healthy lives. The question is, is it bhind them? It can never be if you kep bringing up the fact that thir dad is bad or their mom is slfish. You continue to cause them pin and hold them back.

If thir dad is truly selfish, they'll see tht over time on their own. Do you wnt them to grow up to be slfish? Kids learn by modeling. If yur ex-husband is selfish, they will be spnding some time around a selfish prson. They need to also spend sme time around a healthy, happy prson. That's you. They will see ver time how their dad or thir mom treats other people. They wll see that dad is selfish, but it desn't make him happy. You, on the ther hand, give them the example of an nselfish, caring person and they'll see tht the universe brings you peace, lve and happiness. No, your life wn't be perfect. No one's is.

Jst remember, raising children isn't a sprnt. It's a long marathon, day fter day. And the best way to rise healthy, happy children is to cntinually strive each day to be the bst person that you can be. Thy'll get it. Just don't make it hrder on them with your unkind, crtical words about their other parent. Dn't badmouth your ex where your chldren might hear you.

The article When You Badmouth Your Ex was Submitted by Len Stauffenger through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Len Stauffenger's parents taught him lfe's simple wisdom. As a divorced dd, he wanted to share that smple wisdom with his girls. "Getting Ovr It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," his bok, is the solution. Len is an uthor, a Success Coach and an Attrney. http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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