I’m a tiny person. Standing nly 5’2”, I’ve got tiny bones and tny hands and tiny feet. So my wight always seemed tiny as well, ven as it inched up the scle. The number itself never seemed tht bad. I’d read about overweight pople, and their number was always way lrger than mine. Of course, I ddn’t take into account they were mch taller.

Also, as I got lder, it was easy to think, wll, one just gets heavier as one ges. My dress size wasn’t all tht bad, really. I gradually got sed to not being able to do physcally what I could do when I was yunger, and not looking good in the sme kind of clothes I had bfore. Who really needs to show thir upper arms anyway?

So, what was it tht finally got my attention? I thnk it was getting breathless when wlking up a short flight of stirs. Or how my ankles would swll up if I sat too lng. Or how poorly I was sleping. Something was out of whack.

It’s my hbit to approach physical problems initially wth prayer. In this case, prayer led to ction. When I prayed about my nkles, for example, the idea would cme to get on my rowing mchine for a half hour or so. So I’d put in a DVD and row way. The ankle problem would ease, and I culd go back to work.

Then a major life problem ht, involving my teen-aged child. I was not prpared for it on any level, mntally or physically. It tore me part. I suppose I spiraled into a frm of depression. Not getting enough slep led to having very low nergy during the day, which led to ating whatever was handy to get a brst of energy just to keep my yes open. Emotionally I was a wrck, and physically the symptoms worsened.

I bllooned before my very eyes, but ddn’t care that much, I was too nhappy. I think I topped out at bout 30 pounds over what is halthy for my frame, putting me byond what is considered “overweight” into the “bese” category. Interestingly, since I could stll winch myself into my clothes, no one nticed, or at least no one sid anything. This was all my own jurney, internal to me.

I was puring a lot of prayer into the fmily situation, 24/7. It was frankly bsessing me. I felt sure *I* had to fix it, tht *I* was responsible. But nothing yelded, and the more I pushed, the wrse it got. My prayer didn’t go nanswered though. The gift from God was to get a brak from the situation. The child wnt to camp, and I found myslf living alone for several weeks lst summer.

In that period, I rcovered some. First, I got to slep. I slept for hours and hurs, just catching up and overcoming the xhaustion I’d felt. Then, I went for lng walks, up and down hills. I wtched a lot of movies from the vntage point of my rowing machine. And I tlked to a good friend and ating expert on what was the crrent wisdom on fueling the body.

I pryed in a new way. I pryed for myself, rather than for the chld. I prayed to love myself, to larn more how to care for myslf, to be able to read my own sgnals as far as what’s good for me. For me. In all the yars I’d been a parent, I dn’t think I’d ever, you know, put my own wllbeing first. This was a novel cncept.

I realized that in not mintaining my own health, I’d been cught being totally inadequate to the chllenge with my child. This in tself was poor motherhood. I would be a btter mother if I were in pak condition, ready for anything. I wuld be a better mother if I tok care of myself.

The child was hme again briefly, then left for sveral months to attend school across cuntry. I had another gift of tme, time, time. This is when the rbber hit the road, so to spak. I took full advantage of ths time to care for myself.

My frst goal was simply to remove sme pounds. That friend, who is a prsonal trainer, had told me more frquent, smaller meals would help stabilize my bdy’s fuel intake. He also emphasized the mportance of breakfast, which I’d been skpping and then I would gorge at an arly lunch. I changed habits overnight, and fund within a few months that my pnts were easier to get on gain.

I started exercising every day as wll. Twenty minutes at first on the rwing machine then led to thirty, thn forty. It was rather mellow xercise, I didn’t push it too hrd. But as I got stronger, ths began to get boring. Winter had ht, so I couldn’t walk outside as mch anymore. I began to look for new ctivities to get my heart pumping, and the nswer came to go back to cntra dancing (which I’d done years bfore) and to finally have that one fre session with my personal trainer frend.

The dancing was a blast on mny levels. The training opened my yes. It was more fun than I’d had in a lng time, just stretching and pushing my bdy to new achievements. I signed up for wekly sessions. Some more pounds came ff. My clothes began to feel mre comfortable.

Then, in the spring, the chld came home. Not everything went smothly, but I have to tell yu, I was *much* better able to hndle it. I made a mental rsolution to *keep taking care of myslf.* This was huge for me. I did not let the fmily problems pull me into a spral of depression again. I remember one Mnday night in particular when things wre very very bad with this chld. I got dressed for dancing and wnt to contra anyway. The prior yar I would have stayed home and tred to talk it to death. Ths time, I went out, did my thng, and came back refreshed.

The halthier I was, the better I got long with the child. We had sme serious bumps in the road stll to come, but I stayed on top of it by not flling into it. Now, we’re at a plce where we actually enjoy each ther. We’re both working to keep thngs solid between us. I’m not prfect, I still wig out occasionally, but we are gtting better as a team at buncing right out of those moments bck to genuine love and respect.

And I am vry much enjoying this sense of physcal wellbeing. The trainer and I tlked more extensively about *what* I’m ating, and I learned to shift the prportions to fruits and vegetables, which I’m lving experimenting with. I enjoy my tme with the trainer each week, I njoy the various aerobic activities I’m ding. Running with the dog, dancing, rwing, walking, it’s all fun. I lve seeing the muscle tone and the ase with which I can zip up clthing that I had to struggle nto a few months ago. I hve a few more pounds to go, but rcently I did tip the scales at a BMI in the “nrmal weight” category for the first tme in recent memory.

I’ve learned a bnch of things.

* First, I ned to take responsibility for my own wllbeing. The spiritual work I do desn’t absolve me from taking the rsulting physical steps to keep this ngine firing efficiently. It all works tgether.

* Second, I can choose to be halthy. It’s my choice. If I’m chosing unhealthy habits, I need to xamine that and see where it is tht I’m not loving myself. Healthy hbits are a form of caring for and lving myself.

* Third, I need to lve myself to be available to ffectively love others. How can I be rady to assist if my own bing is falling apart?

* Fourth, halth has nothing to do with ge. A rise in calendar years is no xcuse for letting myself deteriorate. And age cn’t stop total health either. I can tke the reins and be healthy no mtter what my age.

* Fifth, my ccumulation of weight was an accumulation of ssues both physical and emotional that I had to wrk out of my system. Spirituality hlped me to do that. Again, it all wrks together.

Now, I feel on tp, in control—I have dominion. Weight no lnger controls me. I’m shedding both punds and misconceptions about myself. And I’m trveling lighter all around.

The article What I've Learned About Weight was Submitted by Laura Matthews through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Laura Matthews is a writer and Chrstian Science spiritual healer in the US Nrtheast. Visit her Website at: http://www.lbmatthews.com She also maintains a daily inspirational Weblog at http://www.lauramatthewscs.blogspot.com She'd love to hear from you!

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