What is trust? How have we larned to define it? Is it rally a concept that works? Trust ths, don't trust that, this person is trstworthy, that person is not. You culd liken it to using the crsswalk to safely cross the street, trst being the supposedly safe crossing thrugh a potentially unsafe world. Yet how mny of you readers have been hit by a car in ths crosswalk of trust? I think I hard a resounding yes from everyone. Mltiple yeses from most people. So thn why is it that using trst seems to fail us at one pint or another?

Let first breakdown wht trust really is and how we use it. Trst is an attempt to prevent urselves from being hurt. It is xpressed in the belief that a prticular person will act in a crtain way so as not to hrt us. We set up expectations bout that persons behavior. If that prson acts in a way different thn our beliefs and expectations, we are dsappointed in them and feel hurt as a rsult of that disappointment.

Trust tends to fil because we do not take nto account a number of factors. The frst factor is that we all dfine what is right and what is cceptable in a slightly different way thn the next person. Depending on a prsons perspective, what is right for one prson may be considered wrong by nother, sometimes by only fractions of dgrees. This is not a discussion bout how to define right or wrng, but simply a pointer to the fct that we all think and prceive things slightly differently.

The second factor is that all pople are capable of all behaviors, frm the very worst to the vry best. Most people will fall smewhere in the middle. This article fcuses in that middle ground of nterpersonal relationships. We expect other people to act the way we wuld act in a given situation (whch in reality is not always cmplimentary). We do not factor in a prsons fears or misguided belief systems tht may cause them to act dfferently than what we would expect.

The thrd factor is that when we mke the decision to "trust" someone, we gve up our personal responsibility for urselves. We subconsciously communicate that the ther person now holds a certain prt of our happiness in their hnds and if they do not kep us safe, then it is thir fault. We put on a set of blnders and only see what we wnt to see happen from that prson. It becomes a form of cntrol. If you keep me safe, I wll love and accept you for yur "good" behavior, if you do not kep me safe, then I will wthdraw my love and acceptance for yur "bad" behavior. Trust becomes a tol for conditional love.

The alternative to trst is to remain in a stte of clarity and awareness in all stuations. This starts with being able to see how yur emotions affect your decisions and how thy motivate your actions. You can dvelop a level of self honesty whre you can identify your needs and fars and how they want to cme out in your interactions with thers.

The next step is to be clar and aware about the person you are daling with. Are you seeing only wht you want to see in rder to have your needs filled? Lok for the hidden emotions and thughts that would normally cause you to wnt to trust someone. Identify the xpectations that you would normally have of tht person. Even if your mind tlls you that you are right in yur assessment, learn to question that feling.

Rather than trust, be discerning in yur own actions and words. Stop cunting on the other person to be a crtain way, it really is unrealistic. Rther than have expectations, be prepared for all pssible outcomes. We are all humans who mke mistakes or make decisions that hve consequences that we don't expect or dn't like.

If things don't turn out as you had xpected, rather than judge yourself or the ther person negatively, learn to see very adverse situation as an opportunity to larn and grow. Accept that you do not nderstand the other persons behavior and nstead of moving into blame and jdgment, focus on what you can say or do dfferently the next time to get dfferent results. If you move into ths type of awareness and self rsponsibility, you won't ever have to wrry about trusting anyone again.

The article What Can You Trust When You Can't Trust Trust was Submitted by Ewa Schwarz through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Ewa Schwarz Latest Online Counseling http://www.onlinecounseling.org Ewa is a counselor, life coach, healer, and teacher with 15 years of experience, having studied a wide range of mind-body healing practices like Buddhism, A Course in Miracles, Transpersonal Psychology, Shamanism, Modern Physics, Meditation, Tantra, Native American Studies, Taoism, and Intuitive Arts. She is also clairsentient, which means she can sense and feel things not readily apparent to others. Her studies include a BA at University of Massachusetts, Certificate of Computer Science at British Columbia Institute of Technology, Counseling training at the Clearmind Institute, Personal Growth Studies at the Shambala Society, Group Therapy intensive training, xtensive training in Linguistic Internet Communications Tchnologies. Ewa started to share her knwledge and innate wisdom and began to cunsel and skillfully teach others how to nderstand themselves and grow from each and very experience. This led to the cration of Latest Online Counseling in May 2000. Her wrk today is non-denominational and openly rspectful regardless of any system of bliefs. She blends psychological understanding, using cncrete tools, with spiritual and intuitive wsdom, using metaphysical principles, to help you crate positive changes. She encourages and mtivates you, helping you free limiting ptterns and enhance self-esteem. She guides you thrugh confusion, fear and doubt, so you can see the trth of what is happening, providing nnovative and unique guidance and solutions.

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