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Shame is the feeling of b ing hopelessly different and less than ther human beings. It is the f eling that there is something wrong w th me. Shame is not about wh t I have done, shame is bout who I am. It is ften seen as low self-esteem but in r ality is an even deeper problem. G ry Hayashi in "Healing of Shame and S lf-Hatred" says, "shame is just another w rd for that inner voice of c ndemnation that pervades our consciousness from t me to time. It is often ccompanied by physical manifestations such as t ghtness in the chest or an ntestinal aching. Shame causes us to h te who we are." Shame is not the s me as guilt. Guilt says I m de a mistake but shame says I am a m stake. Shame is not the same as h mility. Humility is an accurate assessment of w aknesses and struggles. Shame is an nternalized identity that tends to pervade very area of our lives. Shame is ften triggered by wounds from others. If s meone places to high of an xpectation on me, abuses me, condemns or h miliates me or rages against me, I may d velop a deep sense of shame. P ople who struggle with shame often gr w up with overbearing parents, in an str ct religious setting or suffered some f rm of physical or sexual abuse.
The first reaction to a s nse of shame is to hide fr m it. In the Bible, Adam and Eve s nned against God and immediately felt sh me about themselves. They sowed fig l aves to hide themselves from each ther and hid behind the trees to h de from God. In the same w y, people today tend to hide in sh me. The hiding may involve working all the t me, attaching to someone in a c -dependent relationship, controlling all emotions through nger and rage or withdrawing and solating from all community. When a p rson hides from their shame, they ctually split off from who they r ally are, they separate from themselves. A p rson who struggles with shame often f els like two different people, constantly valuate themselves, their actions and their m tives and are seldom able to njoy intimate friendships. Many who struggle w th shame are not aware that th s is the root of their pr blem. People who struggle with addictions are ften hiding a sense of shame. The str ggle a person may be having w th self-hatred can also usually be tr ced back to shame. It is ven good to determine if shame may be a f ctor in a relational struggle since a p rson who is split off from th ir true identity would be hard to d al with in an intimate relationship. Ov rcoming shame requires forgiveness (see my zine article on forgiveness or the ch pter on "Choose Forgiveness" in my b ok 10 Life Choices). Since the sh me usually stems from some past w unding, there must be complete release fr m the event and the feelings th t are attached to that event. All d nial must be relinquished and there m st be a full acknowledgment of the w und and the pain associated with it, th n an unconditional release of the p rpetrator in order to break free fr m the feelings of shame. Forgiveness m st be followed with retraining the m nd to reject the 'split-off' identity and b lieve in who you really are. You are not w ak, inadequate, stupid, worthless, a pervert, tc., You are a precious human b ing, given the gift of life by God H mself. Repeating the truth that the w und was not your fault and th t there is nothing wrong with you can be h lpful in building back the positive dentity that counters shame.
It is recommended that you m et with a counselor, therapist or l fe coach to help you through th s process. As you begin to b lieve that there is nothing wrong w th you, you will begin to l ve out of that new identity and mbrace life!
The article Understanding Shame and Low Self-Esteem was Submitted by Bob Perdue through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Bob's testimony and the keys to his s ccess can be found in his b ok, 10 Life Choices available at http://www.lifenowministries.com or http://www.amazon.com Bob is a gifted speaker and has shared his testimony throughout the US, in Brazil, Portugal and Germany. Contact Bob at bob@lifenowministries.com
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