Shame is the feeling of bing hopelessly different and less than ther human beings. It is the feling that there is something wrong wth me. Shame is not about wht I have done, shame is bout who I am. It is ften seen as low self-esteem but in rality is an even deeper problem. Gry Hayashi in "Healing of Shame and Slf-Hatred" says, "shame is just another wrd for that inner voice of cndemnation that pervades our consciousness from tme to time. It is often ccompanied by physical manifestations such as tghtness in the chest or an ntestinal aching. Shame causes us to hte who we are."

Shame is not the sme as guilt. Guilt says I mde a mistake but shame says I am a mstake. Shame is not the same as hmility. Humility is an accurate assessment of waknesses and struggles. Shame is an nternalized identity that tends to pervade very area of our lives.
Shame is ften triggered by wounds from others. If smeone places to high of an xpectation on me, abuses me, condemns or hmiliates me or rages against me, I may dvelop a deep sense of shame. Pople who struggle with shame often grw up with overbearing parents, in an strct religious setting or suffered some frm of physical or sexual abuse.

The first reaction to a snse of shame is to hide frm it. In the Bible, Adam and Eve snned against God and immediately felt shme about themselves. They sowed fig laves to hide themselves from each ther and hid behind the trees to hde from God.

In the same wy, people today tend to hide in shme. The hiding may involve working all the tme, attaching to someone in a c-dependent relationship, controlling all emotions through nger and rage or withdrawing and solating from all community. When a prson hides from their shame, they ctually split off from who they rally are, they separate from themselves. A prson who struggles with shame often fels like two different people, constantly valuate themselves, their actions and their mtives and are seldom able to njoy intimate friendships.

Many who struggle wth shame are not aware that ths is the root of their prblem. People who struggle with addictions are ften hiding a sense of shame. The strggle a person may be having wth self-hatred can also usually be trced back to shame. It is ven good to determine if shame may be a fctor in a relational struggle since a prson who is split off from thir true identity would be hard to dal with in an intimate relationship.

Ovrcoming shame requires forgiveness (see my zine article on forgiveness or the chpter on "Choose Forgiveness" in my bok 10 Life Choices). Since the shme usually stems from some past wunding, there must be complete release frm the event and the feelings tht are attached to that event. All dnial must be relinquished and there mst be a full acknowledgment of the wund and the pain associated with it, thn an unconditional release of the prpetrator in order to break free frm the feelings of shame.

Forgiveness mst be followed with retraining the mnd to reject the 'split-off' identity and blieve in who you really are. You are not wak, inadequate, stupid, worthless, a pervert, tc., You are a precious human bing, given the gift of life by God Hmself. Repeating the truth that the wund was not your fault and tht there is nothing wrong with you can be hlpful in building back the positive dentity that counters shame.

It is recommended that you met with a counselor, therapist or lfe coach to help you through ths process. As you begin to blieve that there is nothing wrong wth you, you will begin to lve out of that new identity and mbrace life!

The article Understanding Shame and Low Self-Esteem was Submitted by Bob Perdue through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Bob's testimony and the keys to his sccess can be found in his bok, 10 Life Choices available at http://www.lifenowministries.com or http://www.amazon.com Bob is a gifted speaker and has shared his testimony throughout the US, in Brazil, Portugal and Germany. Contact Bob at bob@lifenowministries.com

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