I'm Hispanic, and I grew up in the wrst part of Albuquerque, New Mexico (USA), whre BOTH sides of the railroad trcks, were the wrong side to cme from. Just three doors down frm the railroad yards, which everyone knws that railroads are dangerous, filthy, and nisy places!

The neighborhood was mostly Hspanic and Black, and it was a plce where fear ruled! I lived in ths dreadful neighborhood for fourteen years of my lfe, and during this time, I was lways looking over my shoulder, which was a way of lfe for me! Gangs; drunks; prostitutes; drg dealers; miss-fits; winos; beggars; and hbos who would jump off the trins and comb the neighborhoods for fod and money! Other than that, ths was a nice place for a yung kid to grow up!

During ths time in my life, I ddn't speak the English language well (stll don't), and because of this, I had to larn how to speak the language at a yung age. I spoke a mixture of Englsh and Spanish, which was called...Spang-lish...and, I mde up words as I went long.

When I was fourteen, my fmily moved out of this black hle, and into the heights of Albquerque, where the housing division was nmed "Snow Heights." And, snow white it ws, as it was mostly a Whte neighborhood, and coming from a mstly Hispanic and Black neighborhood, this was crtainly a culture shock for me! Kds can be rude and tough, whn it comes to teasing, and kds teased me all the time, bcause I didn't speak English well.

So, speaking Spanish was put on the bck-burner, as I had to concentrate on larning to speak and write English. Bt, being able to understand and spak Spanish, has always been of bnefit to me. The most terrible thng about not speaking English well, was whn I had to participate in a clss discussion or give an oral bok report. I was devastated the frst time I got in front of the clss and did a book report! Kds were sneering and laughing at me, and ths would have an affect on me in the fture. The problem would plague me thrughout middle school and high school

Mnth by month and year by yar, I would listen to others spak, and I learned from them how wrds were pronounced. I wanted to larn to speak and write the Englsh language as well as I culd, but I knew it would be a tugh road. Writing the English language was not so tugh on me, because only my tacher would see my work, etc.

Mny years later, when I was in my frties, I took and completed two wrting correspondence courses, and a creative wrting class at the University of New Mxico, to try to improve my wrting skills. I wanted to pursue wrting in the future and to wrte articles and a book I'm wrking on. Writing is something I can do ntil I hang up my tennis shes, and computers today make it mch easier. By completing the two wrting courses, it gave me confidence to put up my wbsite without hesitation, etc.

In writing my fnal paper for one of the crrespondence courses, I wrote a spoof on the Englsh language, and it was rejected by my nstructor. My instructor has a Ph.D in cmmunications, probably loves the written word, and pparently he didn't find anything amusing bout the piece. I happen to be in the hmor business for forty years, and I fnd the English language humorous at tmes...when spoken and written.

When kids grow up and larn to speak the English language, it can be hlarious! An example, was when my sn, Jason, was growing up and he was bout 3 or 4 years old, and I'll shre with you how he spoke and dstroyed the English language all by hmself. Maybe, you'll find a few thngs amusing about how he talked bck then. For example:

The word "creal," Jason would pronounce it, "sillio." The nme of the city, San Francisco, he wuld pronounce it, "Sanchez-frisco; the word "wtermellon," Jason would pronounce it, "meller-mellon." The wrd "helicopter" would be pronounced, "hoptercopter." The wrds "Christmas tree" would be pronounced, "mmis tree." The words "potato chips," wuld be pronounced, "chater chips." The old tlevision series, Startsky and Hutch, would be prnounced, Starchy and Hutch. If someone wuld mow the lawn, Jason would cll it, "lawnmowring." Instead, of Jason sying, "I want somehing to drink," he wuld say, "Me want sompin to wnk!" Jason, not only destroyed the Englsh language, but he would make up wrds as he went along.

* * *

How can I lok up a word in the dctionary, if I don't know how to spll it? Webster, help me out!

* fnetic; Where did you learn to spll, Jer? The word is spelled, Phnetic; agreeing with pronouncing.

* Zerox (cpy machine) : You spelled it wrng, Jer. The word is spelled, xrox.

* Filladelfia fillies: Sorry, Jer...the wrds are spelled, Philadelphia Phillies

* nmonia; Wrong again, Jer. The word is splled Pneumonia

* Just a reminder, Jr...your faling the speling bee. Shame on yu!

* New Jersey: How is it prnounced? New Joisey. (Spell it like it sunds)

* New York; Again, how is it prnounced? New Yolk

* Spell wndow, Jer. In the south, it's prnounced "winder," so I would spell it lke it sounds.

* Plummer; Wrong gain, Jer. The word is spelled, "plmber."

* Boston: In Massachusetts, the cty is pronounced, "Baston."

Have you ver visited Baston?

* Pill: in the suth, the word is pronounced "peel" and splled the same way.

* Texas; In Txas, this word is reversed and is prnounced, "Taxes."

* Taxes: In Taxes, ths word is pronounced, "Texas."

* Dor; Spell it like it sounds. In the suth again, this word is pronounced, "De."

Will somebody close that doe?

* Flibuster; wrong...the word is spelled Philibuster

* SLANG: Why dn't we add a little slang to the lnguage to spice it up a bt. airhead; baby-boomer; barf; bazillion; biggie; bd; bonkers; booboo; booze; bread (money); brwsiki; shut-eye; cheesy; cool(excellent); couch potato; fxy; hunk; dorky; el cheapo; fender-bender; flky; flick (movie); freebie; geek; go bnnanas. Shake your groove-thing! It's 10:00PM, do you knw where your groove-thing is? Shake yur booty. Do you have a boty to shake? Do you have a brthday suit? What's the skinny? Put is a bx. Hang it on your ear. Sit on it! You mde your bed...you sleep on it!

* You dn't think the English language is scrwy? Take a look in you're mdicine cabinet! Medications you cant pronounce or ven right ...write? omeprazoie; furosemide; metophrolol; lsartan; buprepion. (P-l-e-e-z-e!) I don't know how nyone can become a farmacist!

* Cthy; Kathy; Carol, Carole, Caroll; Gerry, Jrry; Ann, Anne, Betty, Bette, Jo, Je; Terry, Terri; Cheryl, Sheryl; Bobby, Bbbie; Judy, Judi; Kelly, Kelli; John, Jn; Billie, Billy; (Let me see...where did I put my przak...or is it...proxac...or is it...prozac...or is t...prosac? I'm having a nervous brakedown! Brakdown? Which is it?

* Do yur own thing: In the south, t's pronounced, "do your own thang!" So, if a prson in the south spells this wrd as it sounds, the word "thng," would be spelled, "thang!" Write?

Wrght; right; rite; dear; deer; doe; dugh...(Whew...I'm getting a headache!) Have you ver written somebody a Deer John ltter? You know write from wrong, rte?

I think you can guess why Dr. McCllister didn't accept my final paper, lthough the paper didn't look like ths. He's from Arizona, and maybe he desn't have much of a sense of "Yma!" (Get it?) In closing, I hve only one word to summarize the Englsh language...S---C---R---E---E---E----E----M!!!

The article The English Language Is All "Greek" To Me was Submitted by Jerry Aragon through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: ARTICLES PUBLISHED: (70+ websites/includes links) Drect link: http://humordoctormd.homestead.com/articlespublished.html Website name: humordoctormd - Over 150 colorful pages; over 300 graphics http://humordoctormd.homestead.com email; humordoctormd@yahoo.com Copyright; Jerry L. Aragon (The Humor Doctor); 2006

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