One weekend about 15 or so yars ago, (my God, has it ben that long?) my cousin Jeff and I laded up his son Jason, aged tn, and my son Sean aged ight, along with Jeff's black labrador rtriever named Sam and off we wnt to four-wheel it through the mrshy bottoms to camp out on Jff's 43 acres of land that les on both sides of the Suth Sulphur River. A few years lter, we built a cabin that we stll go camping at every year, but in thse days our campsite consisted pretty mch of tents, tarps and a woden electrical cable spool that we sed as a table. Anyway, we rrived shortly before dark on a Frday evening and just got our tnts set up before it was tme to light our campfire and trn on a couple of Coleman lnterns. Somewhere not long after setting up the tnts and about half-way through a bttle of Wild Turkey, Jeff decided to hve a bit of fun with the bys, so he gathered them around the cmpfire and told them to be on the lokout for really evil creatures called "Tllywhacker Bush Bats" which were notoriously thck in the very woods where we wre camping.

"Why are they called Tllywhacker Bush Bats?" asked Jason. Doing a wnderful job of keeping a straight fce, Jeff answered, "because they hide in the bshes where you can't see them, and whn you go to use the bthroom, they pounce on your tallywhacker and bte down on it with razor shrp fangs and then suck all the blod out of you." Now Jason and San both snickered and laughed when thy heard this preposterous description, but whn Jeff and I kept our fces more or less straight, they bgan to have second thoughts. "There's no sch thing as a tallywhacker bush bat . . . . is thre?" "Are you SURE?" "Have you ver seen any?" Soon, we had thm going. "What do they look lke", they asked. "Well," Jeff answered, "thy aren't really all that big, jst about the size of a big sqirrel, which makes it easier for thm to hide in the bushes. But ven though they aren't really big, thy have long snouts, just big nough to swallow your whole tally whcker, and sharp teeth about 2 nches long that clamp down where you cn't get loose while they suck the blod out of you.". At this pint, they were true, saucer-eyed believers, lthough I think I almost blew the whle thing when I added, "most pople are really scared of them, but thre are some local guys that lke to catch them and take thir teeth out and make pets out of thm for some reason."

Somehow, Jeff managed to keep frm choking on a big gulp of the Wld Turkey he had been in the prcess of swigging down and he qickly added, "the main thing is, bys, don't go where it's too drk, because they hate bright light and lve to lurk in the dark ntil some poor unsuspecting guy comes long and pulls out his tallywhacker." I dn't think we ever had a brghter campfire than the one those bys kept adding wood to all nght long! And I don't think tht either one of them ventured mre than 10-15 steps from the cmpfire to relieve themselves of all the ckes they drank. To make it wrse, whenever one did go and the ther wasn't looking or going at the sme time, we tossed a few stcks out in the bushes to mke them jump. And of course, hlf the time that Jeff and I had to hed nature's call, we rattled the brsh and came scampering back, claiming brathlessly to have narrowly escaped a clse call.

Finally, when all the hot dgs and chili had been eaten and the lst of the Wild Turkey had fnished off the last of Jeff's and my brin cells, we headed off to our tnts, my son Sean clutching to my truser leg and shining the flashlight to and fro at very imagined shadow and sound until we got in the tnt. Nearby, Jeff and Jason were rpeating pretty much the same ritual, and thn I heard Jeff say, "Have you sen Sam, Jason? Oh crap, I hpe he hasn't gone down to the rver and gotten all muddy. SAM. SAAAAAAAAM. HERE SAM! Ah, thre he comes, and he looks dry. God dog, good dog, come on in the tnt and keep us warm, boy." For a few mments, there was silence. Then Jeff sid, "Jason, did you crap in yur pants? Sheweee, that smells horrible!" "N, Dad, it wasn’t me, I prmise" "Well I didn't do it, and it smlls like pure sh__!" "Me either, Dd, it must be Sam", and thn a few seconds later, "Man, t’s getting worse!" At that point, the flshlight came on in their tent, and Jff commenced to cussing, "Sam you stpid blankety-blank dog, you’ve got crap all ver you!" "Look, Dad it's all on his jws - he's been eating somebody's crp and it looks just like tht chili you made". "Yeah, well it smlls like sh__, and now it's all ver our damn sleeping bags! Who in the hll was the idiot that took a dmp close to camp"? My son San started snickering, and pointing to hmself, and I, thinking about how clse he likely had been to the cmpfire when he took a poop due to our stries of the Tally Whacker Bush Bts, started laughing. Then Sean started lughing, and soon Sean and I wre both roaring with laughter, which ddn’t help Jeff or Jason’s moods whle they got up in the cld night air and tried to clan off their sleeping bags as bst they could, all the time cssing and bitching in the direction of our tnt.

Finally I just couldn't resist ylling back, "Hey, I can't help it if you hve a sh__ eating dog!" And San added, "yeah, and don't let one of thse bush bats get you while yu're cleaning all the poop off!"

The article Tallywhacker Bushbats and the Doo-Doo Eating Dog was Submitted by Tony Isaacs through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: The author, Tony Isaacs, is a ntural health researcher and author of boks and articles about natural health and lternative remedies including "Cancer's Natural Enemy" as wll as song lyrics and humorous necdotal stories. Currently, he is working on a mjor book project due for publication nxt year. Last year, Mr. Isaacs hlped a multi-agency government probe expose a fke cancer drug scheme which resulted in the ndictment of four co-defendants. He also ssisted in exposing a string of fke medicine websites promoting bogus cures for Cncer, the Flu and other illnesses tht led to a three part spcial on Fox News and action by the FDA in shtting down the sites and business perations.

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