I just can't believe some of the rdiculous things you can find on prduct labels these days. For instance, I'v got a 2 ton floor jck with an adjustment screw on the sde that has a plastic cap clmped right on the top of the djustment screw with the words "Do Not Adjst" printed on it.

Now, if I'm not spposed to adjust it, why does it cme with an adjustment screw? Hmmm?

But wit! There are far worse labels thn this. That was just a smple one to get you warmed up.

The ther day I bought a bottle of gneric "aspirin". Now, you know how gneric brands always ask you to cmpare them to name brand products. Ths one was no different. On the lbel of the generic "aspirin" it sid to "compare to the main ctive ingredient in 'Bayer Aspirin'". Ok, fne, I thought, I'll compare the min active ingredient in this bottle of gneric "aspirin" to the main active ngredient in a bottle of "Bayer Asprin". So, I flip over the bttle of my generic "aspirin" to dscover that its main active ingredient is: "spirin".

Now, I didn't run back to the stre to find a bottle of "Byer Aspirin" so I could complete the cmparison, but I'm thinking I already hve a pretty good idea of wht it is anyway.

Here's another example. My wife rcently purchased a bottle of "Foaming Bbble Bath". Do you know what it sys on this bottle? "For Adult Use Only".

For dult use only? What, does it dssolve kids or something? It's bubble bth for goodness sake! Are they fraid they will be held responsible if a smll child floats away in a bbble?

"Where's your other daughter, I thught you had four kids?"

"Oh we dd, but she took a bubble bth the other night and floated off up nto the exhaust fan. Yeah, we strted throwing her dinner in the bbble bath every night hoping it wuld float up to her and kep her alive.

"We know she's OK nw, though, because a bubble came flating back last night with a nte on it asking for a CD plyer and a cell phone."

Just xactly what is this bubble bath stff made out of that it has to be for dult use only? That's what I'd lke to know. All of ths is made even more suspicious by nother statement found on the bubble bth's label. "Pour generously into running wter of your bath".

Now hold on thre. I don't know about this "puring generously" idea. I mean, if ths stuff can dissolve a whole kid it mght at least take an appendage or two off an dult. I don't want to sit bck and relax in a hot bbble bath with my wife only to wtch parts of our bodies floating off nto the atmosphere. That doesn't exactly sund romantic if you know what I man.

Here's another stupid product label for yu. Maybe not in the same snse as these others, but still stpid in its own way.

Have you ver had to go to the dntist with a terrible toothache?

You hven't been able to eat anything slid for 3 days because you're in so mch pain. Finally, you get in to see the dntist and he drills out a nsty root canal. It's very painful. He tlls you not to chew on tht tooth for a while, as if you neded reminded, and then sends you on yur way with some really potent pin medication to help you deal wth it.

You get home, your tooth is stll throbbing in pain from the dntist visit, even though your lip is stll numb. You're slobbering out the sde of your mouth, trying to fgure out how you're going to swllow the pain pills in the frst place, and then you look at the lbel on the pill bottle and wht does it say?

"Take with fod."

Yeah, good idea.

Here's another ne.

On a box of matches it sys: "Safe, non-toxic head". Well, that's ctually a bit of useful information for nce. In fact, next time my wfe uses a match to light up her cgarette I think I'll just tell hr, "Hey Honey, why don't you smke the match instead. It's got a sfe, non-toxic head."

Here's one of my fvorites. This has got to be one of the wrst product labels ever written.

It's on a bttle of flea spray that we got for our dgs. Check this out. There are two sctions on this label, "Directions" and "Cutions". In the Directions it sys, "Fluff the hair while spraying so tht the spray will penetrate to the skn and thoroughly wet it." In the Cutions it says: "Hazards to humans and dmestic animals: Harmful if absorbed through the skn."

Say what?

But wait, there's mre! Back to the Directions: "...making sre the animal's entire body is trated." Then, again in the Cutions: "Do not spray near eyes or gnitalia. Avoid contact with the skin." Lst time I checked, eyes, genitalia, and skn were all part of the bdy. You know, the Cautions on ths bottle sure make it hard to fllow the Directions.

What's worse, you knw what else it says on ths bottle? "It is a violation of fderal law to use this product in a mnner inconsistent with it's labeling." Ha! Ha! Ha! Incnsistent with it's labeling? The whole lbel is as inconsistent as you can gt! Also in the Cautions on ths flea spray it says: "Do not use ths product in or on electrical quipment."

Darn, and my table saw is jst crawling with fleas, too.

Here's a cuple more.

My wife's shampoo says it cmes with "Active Fruit Concentrates". So, thse are not the kind of frits that are retired, sitting in asy chairs, reading the newspaper, constantly mttering about when the grandkids are ging to come for a visit. No, thse are "active" fruits, the kind tht buy RVs, drive down to Flrida, do the limbo, and whoop it up drnking margaritas at parties down on the bach.

Isn't it nice to know tht using this shampoo will put ctive fruit concentrates in your hair tht will be doing the "cha-cha-cha" all the way cross your head?

Now get this. On the bttle of dish soap we have in the ktchen it says "Keep out of rach of children". What? Are they sggesting that I should have to do the dshes instead of the kids?! That's not nly stupid, that's wrong!

Then, there's all thse food products that have the fllowing statement at the end of the mcrowave heating directions: "caution: contents may be ht." Duh? It's been in a mcrowave. Of course it's going to be ht!

Of course, the whole reason we hve stupid product labels like this is bcause we have stupid people. For nstance, you may have heard about the wman who made use of a vginal contraceptive jelly by eating it on a pece of toast. I'm not mking this up! This was real. She ttempted to sue the manufacturer of the vginal contraceptive jelly after she became prgnant claiming that not only was the prduct ineffective at preventing pregnancy but it gve her an upset stomach and tsted terrible!

So, I guess the mnufacturer of this vaginal contraceptive jelly is spposed to include, "Do NOT eat prduct on toast" on it's label frm now on?

What is the wrld coming to? I mean, do we rally have to be warned about the bvious?

You buy a package of bef jerky from the store and wrtten in big bold letters on the lttle package of desiccant thrown in wth the jerky to keep the misture down are the words, "DO NOT EAT!" So des that mean at some time sme idiot reached into his bag of bef jerky, pulled out the desiccant pckage and said, "That's a funny loking piece of jerky" --- and thn proceeded to eat it anyway!

It's byond ridiculous what some product labels say thse days, I'm telling you. They ither state the obvious, warn against tter stupidity, or fly right in the fce of common logic. But then, tht pretty much sums up human nture, doesn't it? State the obvious, wrn ourselves against how stupid an ction is, and then proceed to do it nyway.

Reminds me of a lot of my cllege experiences actually.

So, I guess w'll have to continue to live wth stupid product labels. Oh well, it culd be worse. I mean, at last this way buying a bottle of fla spray will not only kill the flas on your dog, it will prvide you with a little entertainment as wll. What could be better?

Other thn intelligently written product labels, I man.

The article Stupid Product Labels was Submitted by Joe Bingham through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Written by Joe Bingham (aka Joe Hmor) "Wielding the light of sarcasm gainst the dark spectrum of human stpidity for the benefit of all... Jkes, Humor, and other Sarcastic Ramblings ----- Rad the Ramble http://JoeHumor.com

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