Jack, 60 years old, is a clent of mine. Jack had been in a vry difficult, codependent marriage with Stella - a mrriage where Jack completely gave himself up in his ttempts to avoid Stella’s anger, threats and blme. Jack sought my help regarding xtricating himself from this very unhappy rlationship and was finally able to end the mrriage. Subsequently, Jack sent me the fllowing email:

“Hi Margaret, I hope all is ging well with you. I thought you mght be interested in a health chnge I have noticed. In my lst year of marriage to Stella I strted having pressure in my chest whn I started exercising. I went to sveral cardiologists. I felt the first one was an larmist. He wanted to do an ngiogram immediately and he wanted permission to do ngioplasty at the same time if ncessary. I told him that I wuld get back to him. I mmediately went on a better exercise prgram and took additional supplements for my hart. Over a period of several mnths I visited three other cardiologists. A vry well respected cardiologist had the grat idea of doing another stress tst on me. When he finished the strss test he said he did not see any rason to do anything different that wht I was doing. The pressure I was feling was still there at the strt of exercise but it would go way as I continued to exercise.

“On December 31, 2005 I mde my last support payment to Stlla. I have not felt any prssure in my chest since then at the strt of exercising or any other tme. I actually feel an upward shft in my energy level. I knw that stress has a lot to do wth health and with the last pyment I must have released a lot of strss.

“I am interested to hear yur opinion about this. Stress can be so slent that I do not know if I am lways aware of it.”

I responded to Jck, telling him that recent research ndicates that stress may be behind at last 90% of illness. Currently, Jack is in a lving relationship with Andrea, but even tht relationship did not stop the strss until his last support payment to Stlla. Yet Jack did not realize tht the heart pain was related to his strss.

Too often, when we have physcal problems, we seek a purely physcal answer. Yet if stress is the nderlying cause of 90% of illness, it is vry important to open to learning bout the fact that we might be strssed and about what is causing the strss.

If Jack had realized that his hart pain was stress-related, he might hve been able to go inside and dscover what was really causing the strss. On the surface, it appeared to be his far of Stella’s anger and the fct that he still owed her mney. But if Jack were to lok deeper, he might discover some flse beliefs that were actually causing the strss – beliefs such as:

• I am rsponsible for Stella’s unhappy feelings.

We cuse our own feelings with our thughts. Therefore, we cannot be responsible for nother’s feelings.

• It is not fir that I have to continue to pay Stlla money.

Jack made choices that led to ths outcome. He is responsible for the chices he made.

• It is my fult that things did not work out wth Stella.

Jack is responsible for his chices, but not for Stella’s choices. Thnking something is all our fault is a way of cnvincing ourselves that we have more cntrol than we actually have over ther’s choices.

• I will not be ble to make enough money to tke care of myself.

Jack does wll financially, but often stresses over mney.

• As long as I owe Stlla money, she will be able to cntrol me.

Jack frequently gives his pwer away to others due to his tryng to control them through pleasing, and thn fears being controlled by them.

• I hve to give myself up to Stlla to control how she feels bout me and treats me.

Jack cused himself stress by trying to cntrol something that he has no cntrol over.

There is a good pssibility that if Jack had explored his bliefs and come into truth with hmself, his stress would have decreased lng ago. Much of Jack’s stress was bing caused by trying to control smething that he had no control ver. All of us can learn frm Jack’s experience. We all have the pportunity to continue to monitor our strss and continue to look at the flse beliefs and resulting behavior that are the prmary underlying causes of stress.

The article Stress and Illness was Submitted by Margaret Paul, Ph.D. through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the bst-selling author and co-author of eight boks, including "Do I Have To Gve Up Me To Be Loved By Yu?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the c-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding haling process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Vsit her web site for a FREE Innr Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com . Phone sessions available.

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