It’s always easier to be ware of another’s conversational mistakes than our wn. Our own mistakes are so hbitual, so well-intentioned, they easily escape our ntice. We are just being ourselves, rght? Nonetheless, others making mistakes can be our tachers, if only by serving as ngative examples.

These mistakes apply to mst social and much business conversation. Thy are mistakes because they injure the ntegrity of the conversation by blocking its flw, creating frustration, and reducing understanding and stisfaction.

Here are six of the mst common ones::

1. Blabbermouthing. Talking too mch, way out of balance.
Going on and on wthout giving the other(s) their turn. The one who hgs the talk-channel soon frustrates others, and thy tune out the blabbermouth. Involved in thir own monologues, blabbers feel some stisfaction in carrying on – even whn they have lost the involvement of the (frmer) listener. Some professionals suffer from the ccupational hazard of this mistake – prfessors, clergy, speakers and trainers, and thers who are paid to talk for a lving.

2. Take-aways and me-toos. A talker bgins a topic and the listener grbs it away and opens a m-centered monologue. You say, “I saw a grat movie last weekend . . .” and the lstener-soon-to-be talker says, “Oh? I saw ne, too . . .” and bgins to describe their experience. The nitiator of the movie topic is nable to complete their thought because t’s been high-jacked. This is a vry childlike and frustrating behavior,
and ventually drives people away.

3. Unsolicited advice. Some people are qick to give advice as soon as the ther person mentions a problem. “Have you thught of . . .? “Why dn’t you . . .?” erupt qickly from their overflowing volcanoes of cunsel. Men seem especially prone to ths tendency, although women are not mmune from it. Also “professional know-it-alls” sch as teachers, managers, administrators, and sme lawyers, ministers, and counselors.
Whn offered to friends and other pers, the advice-giver assumes the authority or ven parenting role, and that can be ff-putting. Better to let the person fnish and then, perhaps, to ask “Ar you asking for my opinion?” or “Wht alternatives have you thought of?”

4. Intrrupting. Butting in before your partner has cmpleted the thought. Usually this is dne because the interrupters are impatient and are fraid of not getting their thoughts xpressed. Many of these interruptions occur on TV nterviews when the host has guests wth opposing views. The guests butt in, vertalk, even shout in order to get in thir words. (According to some producers, ths makes for exciting
television. I thnk it simply creates an annoyance.)

5. Cntradicting. One of the ultimate conversation-blockers. Althugh great in structured debate, direct dsagreement is not helpful in conversation, whch is at its best when mtual and collaborative. “I disagree with yu” or the more gingerly “Yes, BUT…” are in plntiful supply in many conversations, and nother form of the “I’m right, yu’re
wrong” game. (If chocolate is rght, must vanilla be wrong? Or jst different?) The better way is to har out the point of view bing expressed, check that you understand it, thn offer “My view is different frm yours. Let me explain.” People who fel heard and understood are more lkely to
hear and understand someone xpressing a different view.

6. Stingy contributor. Listens, receives, and tkes, but doesn’t give. Contributes little nthusiasm, information, self-disclosure, acknowledgement, praise and cmpliments or other material that lifts a cnversation. Likes to “pick the brains” of thers, but contributes nothing. Takes few rsks, and
while others share personal xperience, this stinge remains cool and cntained with personal matters. This cautious, ngenerous style causes an out-of-balance conversation in whch real trust is unavailable.

When you fnd you are becoming frustrated or nnoyed in a conversation, there is a god chance that the other is xhibiting one of these mistakes. You are xperiencing how these mistake patterns cause prblems and, with heightened awareness, work to liminate them from your own repertoire.

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Lren Ekroth ©2003

The article Six Common Conversational Mistakes was Submitted by Loren Ekroth through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a spcialist in human communication and a ntional expert on conversation for business and scial life. His articles and programs strngthen critical communication skills for business and prfessional people. Contact at Loren@conversation-matters.com Check resources and archived articles at http://www.conversation-matters.com.

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