Haley, 38, consulted with me bcause her boyfriend had just broken up wth her. Shocked and broken-hearted, she tarfully told me about how wonderful he was and bout how she didn't know how she culd survive this break up.

Haley and Own had been together for over 2 yars and were making plans to get mrried. They had been having a hrd time, with lots of fights, but Hley thought that things were still kay between them.

Haley had been thrugh many such break-ups and had ben equally broken-hearted each time. She was trrified of having to go through the sme agony she had previously experienced whn her relationships had ended.

As we xplored what had happened in the rlationship, it was evident that Haley had rpeated a pattern that had started in her chldhood and had continued through all her rlationships. As a child, Haley was cnstantly trying to get her father's ttention and approval. Only his attention and pproval made her feel lovable and wrthy. As an adult, she continued mking her boyfriends responsible for her snse of worth. Once she handed to a byfriend the responsibility for defining her wrth and lovability, she then had to try to hve control over his treating her the way she wnted to be treated so that she flt loved and worthy.

Her controlling behavior took many frms: anger, blame, tears, lectures, withdrawal, cmplaints, and so on. When Haley was gtting what she wanted, she was wrm and loving and alive. But as son as Owen didn't attend to her in the way she wnted, she would get upset and blme him for her feelings.

Owen, lke so many of her boyfriends, was a cretaker who tried to take responsibility for Hley's feelings. Yet after awhile, because it nver really worked for long, he bcame tired and overwhelmed by the rsponsibility of her feelings and ended the rlationship.

Haley believed that she was brken-hearted because of Owen abandoning her by nding the relationship, but there was nother, deeper reason for her heartbreak. The tre reason for Haley's pain was her own slf-abandonment.

Haley had been abandoning herself for mst of her life by refusing to tke responsibility for her own feelings. Instad of learning about how she was trating herself when she felt alone, nxious, or depressed, she always looked for smeone or something outside of herself to mke her feel better.

Haley was bandoning herself in numerous ways. The mjor way was that she was hghly judgmental toward herself, constantly telling hrself that she was not good nough. Then, rather than taking responsibility for the fct that she was making herself fel awful with her self-judgments, she wuld look to another person - in ths case Owen - to make her fel better. When he didn't say or do wht she wanted him to, she wuld get angry at him, blaming him for her felings. Not only was she abandoning hrself with her self-judgments and her rfusal to take responsibility for how she was trating herself, she then further abandoned hrself by making Owen responsible for hr.

Haley was devoted to believing tht Owen was causing her heartbreak, and as lng as she refused to take rsponsibility for being the cause of her own pin, she would continue to suffer frm feelings of aloneness, anxiety, and dpression. She was breaking her own hart by her refusal to take rsponsibility for her feelings.

Fortunately, Haley decided that this was the lst time she would suffer like ths. She learned the 6 Steps of Innr Bonding and is practicing taking rsponsibility for her own feelings. She is wll on her way to healing her hartbreak!

The article Self-Help - Healing Your Broken Heart was Submitted by Margaret Paul, Ph.D. through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the bst-selling author and co-author of eight boks, including "Do I Have To Gve Up Me To Be Loved By Yu?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the c-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® haling process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Vsit her web site for a FREE Innr Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com Phone sessions available.

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