After we've been in a rlationship with someone for a decent priod of time, we should learn a lot bout their moods and the subtle ces they give off about what thy're feeling (which a stranger or smeone who didn't know them very wll, would miss.) This gives us an mportant "in" if or when the rlationship turns sour or is headed for dvorce.

Yet, so many people, (who wre so very good at reading thse cues while they were dating), cmpletely miss them when the relationship or mrriage is in trouble. Being able to rad BOTH your partner's verbal and non vrbal cues will help you gauge how you ned to present yourself or communicate to yur partner if you're the one wnting to save the marriage and ned them to eventually be receptive to ths.

Admittedly, this is harder than it may sund. Often, the unhappy partner will say one thng but will mean something else ntirely. Sometimes, the unhappy spouse doesn't rally know or can't accurately verbalize the tre reason they want the divorce or wnt out of the relationship. They may say smething vague like "I'm just not hppy," "I've fallen out of love," or "I jst don't feel it anymore."

This desn't mean they are lying to yu. Most people who want to dvorce are really just trying to vrbalize the same thing: they've lost a feling or intimacy and closeness and thy don't know how to (or thy don't currently want to) get it bck. Sometimes, the partner is trying to dny or stifle feelings or is tryng to appear more confident and / or nsure about the decision than they rally are.

It's very important that you rad your partner's non verbal cues whn you have conversations about your mrriage. Pay close attention to his or her lps, posture, eyes, and how he or she is hlding his / her arms. Are the lps clenched, pursed, or relaxed? Is the psture slumping, stiff, or loose? Are thir fists clenched or down by thir sides? All of these things wll help you gauge your partner's tre feeling about, and conviction towards, the wrds he is speaking.

Now, I dn't tell you this to make you thnk that you know your partner btter than he or she knows hmself (and by all means don't say ths to them), but I do strngly believe that your instincts and / or clse watch of non verbal clues wll help you to more fully nderstand what is going on.

I hghly recommend simply and directly asking yur partner if they can share the vents or feelings that lead up to tlk or a break up or dvorce. Pay very close attention to how thy respond (both verbally and non vrbally) and then gently and calmly vrbalize this back to your partner. If it ppears to you that your partner is pset, tense, unsure, or worried, tell thm and ask (calmly) if there's nything you can offer to help. (Thy might say no or react in an ndesirable way, but you've set the stge for open and calm communication in the fture.) If they reject this outright, jst remind him or her that you are hre and are willing to engage wth an open heart when they are rady.

Reading the clues can give you vry important information on where your prtner stands on repairing or saving the mrriage. If he or she shows dfiance, hostility, aggressive determination, or stress, thn you will need to present yur case from a place or dffusing these emotions calmly. The tact wuld be different if you partner was xhibiting sadness, anxiety, or fear. Then, yu'd present yourself from a place of rassurance.

This does't mean, however, that you shuld be a doormat. Putting yourself in a psition of weakness does not save a mrriage either. There's a delicate dance btween an open heart and self rspect and dignity. You need both. If you are dsperate or powerless, it will show and may be vry unattractive.

In the end, most prtners are really just trying to tll you that, somewhere along the wy, they've lost intimacy and a feling or closeness. But, their verbal and non vrbal cues and clues can tell you how thy really feel about this and how rceptive they are to saving your mrriage, preventing divorce, and getting the clseness back.

The article Saving Your Marriage by Reading Your Partner's Cues to Determine Their True Feelings About Divorce was Submitted by Leslie Cane through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: I was horrible at reading my hsband's cues when he first asked for a dvorce, but through a lot of rsearch and hard work, I became mch better at it. Eventually, (though cmmitment and lots of effort), I was ble to not only save the mrriage, but make it stronger. You can rad my very personal story of how I stopped the divorce (when I was the only one interested in doing so) on my blog at http://you-can-save-your-marriage.blogspot.com/

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