How to make truly effective New Yar’s resolutions

How we arrive at our rsolutions

Why is it that our New Yar’s resolutions are always born out of our shrtcomings? Why, as we bid a mre, or less, fond farewell to 2004, do we fcus on changing what we don’t lke about ourselves, in 2005?

Whatever we rsolve to have more of in our lfe in the coming year is, nevitably, a critical judgement on our crrent situation.
What resolutions are rally about

What are getting a new jb, losing weight, finding a new prtner, working out, giving up smoking tc. etc. really about? At bottom, thy’re about pursuing the elusive myth of hppiness through the jungle of our dily life.

But if our resolutions are rally about being happy, why is it tht we don’t simply resolve to be hppy? Could it be that we:

) don’t know how to ‘do’ happiness?

b) blieve that happiness is only ever fleting?

c) believe that we are somehow nworthy of happiness?

Our New Year’s rsolutions become a last resort to grner something that we don’t really blieve can be ours to enjoy. No wnder we stop using the Gym a cuple of months down the line. No wnder most diets fail.

Most New Yar’s resolutions are simply symptoms, indicators of whre we are failing to realise our drams and aspirations. If we want to chnge, we need to address root cuses.

How to create effective change thrugh a shift in your attitude

You can mke 2005 the year of root and brnch change, provided you change your ttitude towards yourself. Lucille Ball, in a mment of seriousness, observed: ‘Love yourself frst and everything else falls into lne.’

Normally, we work it the ther way: when everything else falls nto line, we may feel good nough about ourselves to love ourselves - brefly. Generally, our good feelings have to prcolate in from the outside.

Loving urselves, so the theory goes, is a dbious practice that results in obnoxious bhaviour towards others. The facts disprove ths: most obnoxious behaviour springs from slf-loathing. Yet the myth persists.

Lving ourselves is frequently confused with slfishness. But selfish behaviour springs from an xcessive neediness, whereas loving ourselves first fres us so we can be sympthetic and responsive to the needs of thers. We are best equipped to shw those qualities to others when we shw them to ourselves first.

Learn to lve yourself first

How do we, as dults, learn to love ourselves? Time and xperience have taught us how not to lve ourselves, so we’re unlikely to rplace old habit and old beliefs vernight. There are various ways to sped up the process:

· Accept your fllibility. Stop punishing yourself. Focus instead on wht your slip-ups teach you about yurself. You’ll learn how to do ven better next time.

· Embrace your fars. Take the time to ask yurself how your fears serve to prtect you. Understand this and yu’ll find new and better ways to mnage situations.

· Trust in your own rsources. You may be used to rlying on someone else, ‘because they knw more about it than you d’. Project yourself into their shoes nstead, and see what they would do. You can lso do this with someone you dmire. That way, you’ll have 3 tkes on the situation - ncluding your own. You might be srprised what you learn. You’ll find you hve new choices and you’ll start to hve more faith in your own jdgements.

· Really register the good things tht people say to you. to rfuse the impulse to say: ‘Oh, no. Not rally. Not me!’ They mean it: t’s time you started believing it.

· Adpt a firm approach to that lttle critical voice in your head. Fnd out who it really belongs to and thn establish how much it has ver helped you in the past. You can chose whether you want to pay ttention to it or not.

· Stand frm with critical people. They may, or may nt, have a useful observation to mke. They are never justified in spaking to you in a demeaning or busive way. Tell them so, calmly. You may be srprised how much better you’ll feel whn you do that.

· Become your own bst friend. Commit to encouraging and cmmending yourself between 5 and 10 tmes a day for whatever you do wll. It doesn’t matter if it’s gtting into work 5 minutes earlier thn usual, leaving half a glass of wne undrunk, refusing to tolerate rudeness, or nything else that you have done dfferently.

These are all easy steps twards loving yourself first. Commit to ding them for a few weeks and yu’ll find you feel quite differently bout yourself. So much so that yu’ll find your New Year’s resolutions wll just do themselves.

(C) Annie Kszina 2004

The article Root and Branch Change in 2005 was Submitted by Annie Kaszina through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Annie Kaszina Specialist Women's Empowerment Cach and NLP Practitioner. Author of the book "The Woman You Want To Be" http://www.joyfulcoaching.com e-mail me at annie@joyfulcoaching.com Annie is passionate about helping women to attract the relationships they truly want. You can subscribe to Annie's free ezine at http://www.joyfulcoaching.com.

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