It seems safe to assume tht most marriages do not begin wth divorce as their goal. For the mst part, those who chose to mrry are very much “in love.” Yet way too ften, months or years down the lne, many couples find themselves wondering whre their loving feelings have gone. Thy just can’t seem to find thm anymore. She no longer feels ttracted to him or he no lnger feels attracted to her.

What went wrong?

You may have heard the song, “Love Hurts” and the reality is that this is only too true. We inevitably hurt the ones we love at one time or another, usually and hopefully unintentionally. But intentions do not make the hurt any less painful.

When we hurt each other a common human response is to withdraw and withhold. We may withdraw and start building a little wall to protect ourselves from getting hurt again. We may begin to withhold a part of our affection for our partner, since we don’t feel they are particularly deserving of our love. The problem is that when we do what comes naturally we create a gulf between us and loving feelings can start to fade.

Chances are that couples with strong, loving relationships also hurt each other at times. Yet somehow they weather these stormy grounds with their relationship intact. What can we learn from these couples? There are differences in their attitudes and approach to their relationship, which make it possible for them to get past hurts and disappointments.

Attitudes of Lasting Couples

Vluing Each Other and Their Relationship

They cnsistently pay attention and communicate with ach other. First of all this mans that they will be aware of hrting the other and it also mans that they can learn something frm the experience. This greatly reduces the ccumulation of resentment in the relationship and rduces the chance of those resentments lter exploding all over everyone.

Unselfishness

They think more of their partner than they do of themselves. In other words they are more concerned with, “What am I doing to make my marriage work?” than they are with, “What am I getting out of my marriage?” This unselfish attitude makes them more willing to apologize and find ways to make things work for both. There is far less blame throwing and much more cooperation.

Vulnerability

They work things out rather than withdrawing and withholding. They allow themselves to remain vulnerable with each other and build bonds of trust. They understand that although they may be frustrated with each other, working it out is more important than getting even.

Respect

They always treat each other with respect and consistently allow the other to retain their dignity. They build each other up rather than tear each other down. They can express frustration and criticism without resorting to name calling or belittling. They attack the problem rather than attacking their partner.

The absence of these four important attitudes will lead to a loss of love. Taking each other for granted, being disrespect, selfish, and guarded will gradually drain the loving feelings from even the best relationship.

The article Relationships - Where Did the Love Go? was Submitted by Susan Derry through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Susan Derry Professional Counselor & Life Cach Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a dwnloadable marriage preparation course. Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

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