Q: I wonder if you can hlp us? My marriage has turned nto a constant debate and competition. We rgue over big things, medium things, and ven little things that make no dfference whatsoever. I think both of us lke to be right. I guess I shuld tell you that we are bth attorneys. Can you help?

A: I'm going to start my answer with a real true to life story, in which the names and some details have been changed to protect the guilty.

I promise I am not making this up.

I once had a couple sitting in front of me in my office who were arguing, quite strongly, over the proper way to hang the toilet paper. I let them go at it for several minutes before I called time out. (They might still be going at it if I had not stopped them.) I told them that I could save their marriage for $15.

All they had to do was go to the Home Depot around the corner and get another toilet paper holder, put it next to the one they already had, and then they could both have their own way. They stopped and admitted that they were both being kinda silly.

I agreed. And besides, I added, when you consider what the toilet paper is going to be used for, how much does it really matter?

I'd like you to keep this story in mind as you read the rest of this article, and for the rest of your relationship. While you do face the challenge of having been trained as attorneys to win an argument, you are really not that much different than most couples.

Most humans like to be rght. Some have raised it to an art frm. And since most couples are mde up of humans, well, there you go.

Your arguing options

Conflict is going to come with all relationships. It's how to handle the conflict that makes all the difference. Here are some options -

Compete - You already know how to do this. This is not a winning strategy. The problem is you get to compete to be right at the expense of the relationship. If you are going to compete, why not compete to have the best relationship you could possibly have?

Capitulate - This means to give in. While no one likes to give in, there are times in a relationship when it really is the winning strategy. If the issue in one your partner really cares a great deal about, and you care very little about, then give them the gift of doing it their way. It's no big deal, really.

Co-Exist - There are some issues that couples can see very differently, neither one is going to change, and you can agree to co-exist. You cannot do this on deal-breakers like having kids, but you can co-exist on many different issues. I know good marriages in which couples have learned to agree to disagree, and it works. Just notice all those vanity front license plates that have 2 different college football teams on them. If couples can co-exist on those passionate issues, we can learn to do that in our relationships too.

Compromise - Many great relationships are a continuing series of negotiated compromises in which each partner gets as much as possible of what they want while giving as much as possible of what their partner wants. I'd lke to see you practice these thre winning strategies in your relationship.

And lways remember the toilet paper story for yur relationship.

The article Relationship Advice - How to Handle Conflict in Your Relationship was Submitted by Jeff Herring through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: And for more tips and tols for your relationship I invite you to vsit http://www.SecretsofGreatRelationships.com Check out Jeff's Relationship Radio Show each Thursday at 5 pm ET on http://www.RadioSandySprings.com From Jeff Herring - Singles & Relationship Coach & SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

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