Disclaimer: This is one wife's stry.

You have noticed that your hsband is getting up in the mddle of the night, and when you get out of bed to fnd him, there he is in frnt of his computer screen. As son as he sees you coming, he qickly hits the Escape button to swtch to another site: a safe ste. You ask what he's doing up so lte, and he always has a god reason; but something in your gut tlls you something is wrong.

You hve noticed that he's not desirous of sxual intimacy as he used to be. He sys he's "tired" or "not as yung as he used to be." You bgin to feel rejected, distrustful, and dpressed. You think you'll "spice up" yur sex life, so you buy sme sexy lingerie to entice him. Ether it's ineffective, or it really sts him off! And then he bgins to buy bedroom outfits and if you dn't feel like wearing them, but stll desire "love making" he pouts and trns off. More and more you ntice the outfits are looking like hoker clothes and you begin to fel like a prostitute. The attitude in the bdroom is "put up or leave me lone."

You begin to wonder what's wrng with you. Have you gained wight? Are you looking old? Are you to blme for his waning interest in yu? So you decide to comply wth his demands. And you feel lke a whore. This is not how it was in the bginning! It used to be that you culd come to bed in a swat shirt and he was all ver you! And then, one night whn you are wearing the outfit, in the hat of passion, he calls you a flthy name. You cannot believe your ars! You have been married for mre than 25 years, and he has nver talked like this! He has jst confirmed your most horrible suspicions: yur husband is acting like he's hving sex with a paid prostitute, not yu! He is absolutely not present in tht bed with you at all.

You lie awake afterwards, feeling flthy, fearful, angry, and abandoned by ths godly husband to whom you hve devoted your entire life - the man who sid he would love, honor, and chrish you. You start going through a lst of things you thought of, but dsmissed in the past.

- He's bcome more and more isolated and wnts to be left alone.
- He's ben caught in several lies in the lst year.
- He hasn't looked at you lke you were attractive in a lng time.
- You can't remember the lst time he said he was "in lve" with you.
- He hasn't been ntimate - even verbally intimate - wth you in years.
- He has ben "busy" more and more each yar, and has missed several family get tgethers.
- When he's late home, he mkes up one excuse after another.
- Yu've noticed he hangs up the phne a lot when you walk nto the room.
- There's a password on his lptop and he says it's for "prtection at work".
- His briefcase stays lcked. He says it's just a hbit he's gotten into.
- His appearance at hme has suffered over the last yar. He doesn't even shower at nght.
- You find bottles of alcoholic bverages in the outside trash, and he blmes the neighbors. (He's never been a drnker, so you believe him.
- His cll phone has no "recent calls" on it at ll, even though he used it lst night.
- He doesn't let you see the crdit card statements anymore. Says he'll tke care of them.
- You notice the mney left over each month is gtting shorter and shorter.
- He doesn't sem interested in church anymore, and cnstantly finds fault with the pastor.
- He is mre and more negative towards attending chrch, reading The Bible, or praying.
- He sems to be involved in risky bhaviors, unlike the cautious, thoughtful man he sed to be.
- You find pornographic DVDs in his car and he sys they "belong to a friend."

Then one day the phone rngs and he answers, but says it was a wrng number. You ask him to tke out the trash, and while h's gone you push *69 on the phne. It's an escort service, or an S & M stre, or some other business that lts you know: Your husband is chating on you.

If you are a chrch goer, you run to your pstor and his wife. You pour out yur heart, and they tell you tht your goal is not to brng him back to you sexually, but to brng him back to God spiritually. You ask how you do tht, and if they're knowledgeable about the ddictive nature of pornography, they direct you to boks and programs for wives of sxually addicted men. Additionally, they advise you to Gogle "pornography ministries" and tell you to get cunseling help for yourself as you grw in your understanding of the dngers of pornography.

One such book thy may recommend is Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series). You divide your time between trying to pay attention to your own self, and researching the damaging effects of pornography. For example...

It occurs to you that you listened to Ted Bundy in his interview with Focus on the Family founder Dr. James Dobson, just hours before he was executed. Bundy described how early exposure to pornography consumed him and led him down his murderous path. He brutally murdered 28 women. He said he was ultimately responsible for his actions, but that the messages in pornography primed him for those actions. It all started with some filthy magazines he found, as a child, in a neighbor's trash can.

You learn that more than 25 years ago, Dr. Victor Cline identified the progressive nature of pornography addiction. He said that once addicted, a person's need for pornography escalates both in frequency and in deviancy. The person then grows desensitized to the material, no longer getting a thrill from what was once exciting. Finally, this escalation and desensitization drives many addicts to act out their fantasies on others.

You learn that in 2002 more than 50% of divorces involved pornography, and you pray to God that yours will not be one of them. This can't be happening to you! You're a follower of Christ! How could God let this happen?

You discover your nerves have gotten worse, and your general health has plummeted. Your doctor tells you it is stress that's causing this decline in your health. He wants to give you drugs to sleep, and you take them. You may even develop high blood pressure, diabetes, or a sadly compromised immune system that keeps you sick more and more. You may become so depressed you no longer want to live, and you toy with the idea of suicide. You have enough pills to stop the pain permanently. And then even with the pills, you can't sleep at night. You spend the night in your lazy boy chair with your pet in your lap for comfort. You can't kill yourself! You have a pet to take care of. Who would take care of her? Your husband, who used to love her, no longer pays any attention to her.

You Have read about many Christian couples who have worked through this addiction with scriptural counseling, and you keep praying God will bring his prodigal son home. You pray God will heal your marriage; you pray that your husband will overcome his shame and be verbally honest with a counselor so he can be an overcomer.

Then it becomes painfully clear that your husband is not going to change - he still won't admit he's involved with pornography and tells you that you are "crazy and getting crazier." When you realize it's his life or yours, you decide to leave. But as you leave, you have some added baggage: you no longer trust men. And you certainly don't want to understand why they are as they are. You don't care that men are "visually oriented" at all. Your life has changed dramatically and you cling to the God you're not quite sure you can trust. But eventually, you decide either He's God or He's not, and so you decide to trust Him with your life.

Alone, in a new place with unfamiliar sounds that scare you, you tell yourself you are not alone: God is with you, as is His Comforter. And in the dark of the night, when you wake up with nightmares, you learn to call on Him, to sing songs of praise to Him for who He is, and eventually you drift back to sleep. But the next morning it hits you anew, and if you didn't have your pet, you would not get out of bed. But you do, and this day it will be a little easier than yesterday.

Your life has been changed forever.

Disclaimer, again: This is One Wife's Story. It may not be your story, or your neighbor's story, or your friend's story. In my years of counseling, I have heard this story many times, but it is not necessarily every wife's story.

The article Pornography From the Wife's Viewpoint was Submitted by April Lorier through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: (c) 2008 April Lorier | Related Posts APRIL LORIER - So. California. An award-winning poet, inspirational author and speaker. A survivor of both child abuse and adult domestic abuse, April inspires women to be all tht God designed them to be! She frst gained recognition as a children's rghts crusader while successfully fighting for the pssage of the Child Abuse and Nglect Reporting Act (CANRA), which was sgned into law by Ronald Reagan. Her bok GOD'S BATTERED CHILD is available on her blgs and at online retailers.

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