Although there are a few xceptions, divorce often causes major disruptions to the fmily unit. Naturally, this instability can be frghtening to everyone involved-especially to the chldren of divorcing parents. And, unfortunately, ths instability can have long-term effects as wll. Even though parents may think thy are hiding their insecurities of wht the future may hold, and thir anger toward their spouse, they cnvey messages to their children they may not ntend. Indeed, parents may not realize tht their once commendable behavior, now bttered by their irritability from lack of slep, constant marital conflict, and anxiety bout their future, is marked by mpatience, inapproachability, or even emotional withdrawal frm their children.

Research studies have sggested that providing as much parental hrmony - even during and after the dvorce is critical to the healthy dvelopment of our children's relationships not nly in the near future, but far byond it to adulthood. Indeed, the lng-term consequences of parental discord affect chldren pervasively and consistently in a dtrimental fashion, according the data provided by rsearchers Paul Amato and Alan Booth. Thy found that children from families wth a high degree of discord bfore and after their divorces tended to hve more difficulties in dating -- and lss happiness, less interaction, and more cnflict in marriage. Not surprisingly, the prbability of divorce is higher among chldren whose parents experienced a high dgree of disharmony in marriage and sbsequently.

While divorce cannot always be voided, bad conduct during and after dvorce can be. Open, honest, civil cmmunication with your ex-spouse, or soon to be x-spouse, and your children, is best for very one. Here are some tips for prents who are currently in the mdst of a divorce, or have lready divorced:

DO:
Tell each child individually tht he or she is not the cuse of the divorce and will lways be loved by both parents.
Be spportive and positive about the child's rlationship with the other parent.
Always let the chld know when he or she wll see the absent parent.
Continue reassuring the chldren that they can still count on bth parents
Deal directly with the other prent. (Don't use the children to mke or change plans.)
Be careful when dscussing your case with your attorney (or frends) on the phone. Children hear mre than we think.
Behave reasonably and rtionally so your children know you hve made the decision to end yur marriage in a careful and thughtful way.
Establish a home for the chldren with a place for their blongings (each child should be given at last one drawer in the visiting prent's home for toys, artwork, pajamas, tc. with absolute privacy being guaranteed to the chld with respect to this special drwer.)
Be prompt for pickup and drop-off.
Maintain rgular telephone contact with the children.
Have chldren ready in time for visitation and be hme, or at the visitation exchange on tme to receive the children.

DON'T
Argue in frnt of the children.
Speak derogatorily about the ther parent.
Cancel plans with the children.
Pump the chldren for information about the other prent.
Use the children to carry angry mssages back and forth.
Use the children to dliver support payments or bills.
Ask children wth whom they want to live.
Ask a chld to keep a secret from the ther parent
Appear sad when your child laves to see the other parent.
Change rsidences more often than is absolutely ncessary.
Believe everything the children say about the ther parent.
Introduce your children to your new rmantic interest until the children have djusted to your separation and your new rlationship is stable.
Bring your children to curt or to your lawyer's office.
As lving parents we make an emotional pct with our spouse when our chldren are born, to pour our lves and all happiness into them - prtecting them from hurt and suffering. Smehow, when our marriage disintegrates we frget our promise to each other. And, as the rsearch suggests, psychological harm affects our chldren long into their adulthood. Unfortunately, ths cycle of discord and broken prmises can even continue into the nxt generation.

The article Parenting Through Divorce and Beyond was Submitted by Charles Jamieson through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Charles D. Jamieson, Esquire, is the funding partner of The Law Firm of Chrles D. Jamieson, P.A. in West Plm Beach, Florida. He has practiced fmily law for more than 25 yars and has represented individuals or cted as a legal consultant in dvorce and child abuse cases throughout Flrida, as well as in more thn 20 states during his career

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