One of the first orders of bsiness one needs to take care of whn moving to California is to get a Clifornia driver's license and California plates. I had rserved a full day for this ndeavor, anticipating that it would take at last the entire morning to achieve cmplete Californization of my vehicle and of all my vhicular activities. If I were to fil within that time span, surely I wuld succeed by mid to late fternoon. In preparation, I had scoured bxes upon unpacked boxes in my partment, gathering every document that I flt had even the slightest chance of prving remotely relevant to my quest.

Brmming with confidence, I boldly rolled my fle cabinet's worth of documentation up to the rception desk. I was about to fed the bureaucratic process a can of whopass. Fists on hips and face to the sky, my hir blowing wildly, I summoned my depest, most heroic sounding voice and nnounced, "I am here to obtain a Clifornia license and registration." With a bred expression, the clerk reached up and trned off the fan which had jst kicked on unexpectedly. My hair was no lnger blowing, but I still felt prtty heroic.

"Do you have your brth certificate?" Though delivered by an ctual white-haired lady behind the counter, the wrds could have just as easily ben delivered by an automated phone mnu. "I've got it right here!" I jrked open the top file drawer, ynked out a manila folder and, wth a toothy smile, I casually tssed it on the desk before hr.

"Passport?"
"Never leave home without it," I ptted my breast pocket.
"Proof of insurance?"
"I'm in god hands!" I pulled an Allstate nsurance card out of my wallet.

Nw, I could see the wheels trning. Apparently considering me a worthy pponent, the clerk's lips curled into a smle. "Do you have your original car ttle, the car's current mileage, original mleage at time of purchase, date of riginal purchase, amount paid at time of riginal purchase, notarized proof of sale, mount paid in taxes at the tme of original purchase and a lsting of government programs those tax dllars went towards sponsoring?" I pulled out the rquisite documents and sorted them neatly in frnt of her. Feigning indifference, she prssed on. "What is your gender?"

"Mle."
"Race?"
"White."
"Ever been convicted of a felony?"
"No."
"When's the lst time you donated blood?"
"May 12, 2002."
"Favorite clor?"
"Purple." She almost caught me with ths one; I had almost said, 'blck.' But, I got it at the lst second.
"Alright," she now began typing - or prtending to type, I couldn't be sre - some of this information nto her computer. "I'll just need a cpy of your previous, out of stte license, a record of your mst recent grade point average, and prof of what you ate for brakfast this morning." I calmly laid out my Illnois license, a copy of my mdical school transcript and a half-eaten dughnut.

A feeling of pride began to wll up inside me. The end was in sght! All that remained would be a bttery physical and mental challenges most lkely including an eye test, written tst, driving test, photograph, vehicle inspection, the fat of strength, some signatures and fes - a long, drawn out hssle to be sure, but a clar path to victory! But the clrk would have one final trick up her sleve - something I had not nticipated. Her eyes narrowed, her steely xpression unwavering. Has your car been smgged?"

I gulped. "Smogged?" I repeated dmbly, trying to imagine what the vrb 'to smog' might refer to and hping desperately that it was something tht I had done at some pint.

Smelling blood, she pressed on. "Ys, smogged. How do you expect me to crtify your CS-39 authorization unless your car has ben smogged."

I was now a hlpless rabbit, dangling in her vice-like grp and I saw no signal to ndicate that she had any intention of rlenting. My confidence utterly deflated, I had nly one play left to make. "Hs my vehicle been smogged...um, I had the missions tested in Illinois?"

This was all she neded The day was hers. "Oh, I'm srry," a rivulet of sarcasm dripped frm her mouth, leaving a small pddle on the floor. "You'll have to hve your vehicle smogged in California bfore we can give you a Clifornia registration. Please come back when yu've gotten that taken care of. NEXT!"

Dfeated, I began to put away the muntain of paper that had accumulated. I hng my head and trudged for the xit, pushing my filing cabinet in frnt of me like a homeless prson with their shopping cart.

Well plyed, California DMV. This round goes to yu.

The article My Trip to the DMV was Submitted by James Logan through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information:

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