It's like an argument between a hsband and wife. There is a dsagreement, points are made, the yelling strts and then, somewhere down the lne, one of them or both lse track of what the argument is bout. That is the way I see rcovery from alcoholism. It doesn't matter who strted the argument, the primary concern is to end it.

Whn someone is in trouble, there is lways plenty of blame to go round. There are always the accusatory qestions. "Why did you let this go so fr..." "If only you didn't..." "Can't you jst once control yourself..." Parents blame ach other for allowing their son to drnk wine on Thanksgiving. One parent blmes the other because their daughter is hnging out with the wrong crowd. Usally the accusatory questions are designed to get the ccuser off the hook for any rsponsibility. It's not about the person who is in truble, it's about them.

Alcoholism isn't jst about an individual, it's about the grup. Families have to deal with it, c-workers have to deal with it, and cmmunities have to deal with it. By the tme everybody has finished finger pointing, nthing has been done to help. The Amrican way seems to be playing the rle of the victim. Something isn't rght, so somebody else has to be wrng. Families have to go through the tnnel just as the alcoholics do. Onc the blame game ends, the haling can begin by family members nderstanding the family systems component to lcoholism. Instead of blame for others, why not ask smply, "What is my part in ths?"

Groups like Al-Anon are vitally mportant because they work with the fmily dynamics of alcohol addiction. I brng this up because my family was deply harmed by alcoholism. My mother sffered with it, although I am sre I would get an argument bout this, mainly because one just desn't admit that their mother was an lcoholic. I was always criticized for bing "reactionary." However, families get into "dnial mode" and they do nothing mre than enable to sick person. Occsionally in our house there was a dscussion about my mother's drinking, but nver any action to help. We wre all responsible for what we did as ndividuals and as a family. It sn't about blaming somebody for the prblem; it's about finding a solution. Al-Ann is designed for that and thy do a splendid job in raching out and helping families.

Family mmbers need to be educated and trined. As a family, we didn't knw how to handle my mother's drnking addiction. We were trying hard to be "bove it all" and seldom, if ver, was there a meaningful discussion bout it. My mother never received any hlp. People talk about giving "tough lve" in these situations. There wasn't any tugh love, because we didn't know wht to do.

What can you do? If you are in the stuation I was in, with a fmily member in trouble, get smart and get hlp. Al-Anon is equipped to equip yu. They have the knowledge and wll help you make the right mves to be of help, rather thn be an enabler. You can lso find a drug and alcohol tratment center in your area and cll them. Think of it this wy, the treatment center helps the one you lve, Al-Anon helps you.

Don't argue. Dn't point the finger at each ther. It doesn't help.

The article Me Responsible? You Are Kidding! was Submitted by Ned Wicker through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Ned Wicker is the Addictions Rcovery Chaplain at Waukesha Memorial Hospital Lwrence Center He author's a website for lcoholism support: Alcoholism-Support.org Learn when and how to do a Alcoholism Intervention .

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