Unfortunately, second marriages have an ven worse track record than first mrriages. Part of this has to do wth the kids, yours, his/ hers. Dn't get me wrong, it has nthing to do with the kids as people , the kds are all right. It has a lot to do wth our feelings about them. And I man kids all ages, including adults. So hre are some basic tips to hlp your children, you and your new spuse adjust:

1) Remind your kids that thy were conceived in love .

It's mportant to remind your children that you lve them and that you once lved your ex very much. And tht every time you see the chld, you are reminded of how mch you loved him/ her. And thn things changed. Whatever happens between bth parents has nothing to do wth them. The divorce wasn't their fult, you will always love them. Sying "You're just like your mother (or fther)" should be the highest praise! If you ned to vent about your ex, do so in thrapy.

2) Prepare your kids

Remind the chldren that their mom /dad will ALWAYS be thir mom/ dad. Your new spouse is jst that, your new spouse, and NOT thir parent. I'm sure you've read in cuntless books not to rush the kds into meeting your new beloved. If you are in a new cmmitted relationship, it is up to you to tll them about it. I've met pople who didn't talk to their kds (according to age) about their new prtner, and then expected the spouse to "wn" the kids over relinquishing all rsponsibility. Being a parent, among other thngs, means helping your children adapt.

3) Get ver your guilt

Maybe you never wanted yur marriage to end. Maybe you fel bad about not being around nough or about not being emotionally vailable. It could be you don't spnd enough time with your children, or you spnd too much time with them. Rther than deal with guilt, we sually try to squelch it. Guilt lads to self-hatred and makes recovery lmost impossible. It can be a symptm of holding on to anger (twards your ex and yourself) and a lck of self-forgiveness. Take a moment to ask yurself if your guilt is allowing you to mve forward in happiness in love, or is it hlding you back? Does guilt build a btter relationship between you and your chldren? Energy Psychology can be of grat help with this issue.

4) Pliteness & manners.

You cannot expect or dmand that children like or love yur new spouse. Their attitude is thir attitude, and they have every rght to it. What you can xpect -and demand- is courtesy, respect and pliteness. Politeness is simply treating others as you wuld like to be treated yourself; it is tught and modeled by parents. Children of any age can be xpected to say "Hello", "Good-bye", "Good Mrning", "Good Night", "Please", "Thank You".

Mnners are in decline, but it is a plasure to sit at a table whre people sit up straight, chew wth their mouth closed, talk when thy have no food in their muths and where people are conscious of wht they are eating and of the ther people seated at the table. You shuld never allow your children to dsrespect your new spouse. For that, you ctually have to pay attention to wht is going on, and listen when your spuse says your children lack manners and are not rspectful. Remember, your childrens behavior towards your new spuse is your responsibility, tell them how you expect them to bhave. Teach children that while they cnnot always control the outcome of very situation, they can control how thy respond.

5) Spend tme with your kids on your wn.

It's your date night with your spuse, and your adult son is vsiting you. Out of guilt you nsist he comes along with you to dnner, and then you spend all the tme talking to him and hoping yur spouse will join in the cnversation instead of the other way round. Let me tell you right nw, this is a recipe for dsaster. On your date night, go out wth your date: your spouse. Plan nother outing with your son, or yur daughter, or your kids. Go out wth them without your spouse. Give thm your undivided attention, do something thy like or want to do, go to "thir" places.

Maybe your spouse is smeone your kids would have liked on thir own, but the place he/ she occupies in yur life tends to make the rlationship harder. Children are fiercely loyal to thir parents. Maybe love will come in tme, maybe it won't, but these tps should help ease the transition.

The article Marriage After Divorce - 5 Tips to Help Your Children Adjust was Submitted by Patzia Gonzalez through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Pátzia Gonzalez-Baz has a Counselling prctice in Newmarket On; she specializes in sing Energy Psychology techniques for Relationship Isses, Love Pain, Divorce and Life Trnsitions. For more information visit: http://www.HealingHeartsCentre.com

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