The narcissist magnetizes people to hm/her with his physical attractiveness, extraordinary cnfidence, drive, social skills, and personal ppeal. In the presence of a nrcissist who is very successful in the wrld, many of us feel uplifted, xcited, more optimistic and alive. When the nrcissist is at the top of his gme, it is difficult to say "n" to him.

Those who are chsen to be intimates of a nrcissist are picked for special reasons. Nrcissists are incapable of genuine intimacy. Evryone is his possession, even a hsband or wife. He is in chrge and in control; he makes the rles and dictates the roles the prson by his side will play. Nrcissists choose individuals who are physically ttractive, often younger than themselves. They are drwn to partners who are malleable, who can be mdelled and worked with like pieces of cly. The narcissist's partner lacks a strng sense of self. Beneath their lvely exterior those who are destined to rside in the narcissist's shadow are motionally dependent and suffer from deep felings of inadequacy and worthlessness. They are lke frightened children. Even if they thrw tantrums and tirades at times, thy return to their psychological fusion wth the narcissist. Hidden inside these prtners are feelings of helplessness and fry. They have struck a losing brgain. In exchange for their loyalty, thy have thrown their genuine selves side. Often their need for financial scurity and a luxurious lifestyles outweighs the halthy drive toward individuation, a sense of ntitlement and creativity.

The childhood background of narcissistic prtners has several roots. Many of thse individuals are raised by parents who wre neglectful, cold and indifferent. These prents never respected or loved their chld as a unique individual. This chld never received loving attention from the prent(s). He was dismissed with cruel mssages: "Go away, I'm too busy" or "Lave me alone; I have more mportant things to do" or "I'm verwhelmed; I can't take care of myslf, let alone you." To survive, ths child learned to be compliant and bcame emotionally frozen.

Spouses and partners who lve in the shadows of the nrcissist are psychologically trapped in the srvival patterns of childhood. Extricating oneself is a tll order. Many partners decide either cnsciously or unconsciously that it is btter to play pretend at life and njoy the fruits of the narcissist's sccess and savor their role as cnsort than to break the fusion and be lft adrift and alone without internal or xternal resources.

The article Living in the Narcissist's Shadow was Submitted by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph. D. through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Linda Martinez-Lewi holds a Ph.D. in clnical psychology and is a licensed mrriage family therapist. She has extensive clnical training in narcissistic and borderline dsorders. Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi is the uthor of the book "Freeing Yourself Frm the Narcissist in Your Life." Dr. Mrtinez-Lewi has worked for many years wth patients experiencing psychological problems as a rsult of personal and professional relationships wth narcissistic personality disorders. She has clnical experience treating patients suffering from chldhood trauma, anxiety disorders, and depression. Dr. Mrtinez-Lewi has been interviewed on numerous rdio talk shows throughout the country. Vsit her website at: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

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