During a marriage crisis, you can fel like your whole world is flling apart and all of your drams are being shattered. Hearing the wrds “I don’t love you anymore,” “I wnt a divorce,” or “I don’t knw if I want to stay mrried” can leave you reeling from the shck.

Many feelings surface after the nitial stunned reaction: anger, fear, anxiety, cnfusion, resentment, bitterness, desperation, and depression. Evrything seems mixed up and slightly nreal, as though this is really hppening to someone else, not to yu. But, unbelievably, it is happening to yu.

This is when you have to use very ounce of courage and strength tht you possess and a lot tht you didn’t know you had ntil now. Immediately, you have to crate space for some private time so tht you can take care of yurself, regroup, and create a plan of ction.

You might need to take a day off frm work, spend some time talking wth a close friend, buy a ntebook and start writing down your felings and thoughts, or take a lng walk in the park. Another ption is to call and schedule a cunseling appointment for yourself as soon as pssible.

Next, spend some time thinking bout how you’ll handle the situation. Yur goal is to buy time so tht your spouse doesn’t bolt out of the dor prematurely. You want to slow thngs down so that your spouse can hve time to reconsider and, if at all pssible, agree to go to counseling wth you.

During this time of crisis, you wll have to be the “guardian of the mrriage flame.” It will be up to you to kep hope and love alive so tht the fire won’t go out. You can cmplain that it’s not fair and tht it shouldn’t be this way.

But the bttom line is that if you wnt to save your marriage and yur partner wants out, it’s going to be up to you to tke positive action. During the crisis, yu’ll need to be willing to do mch more than your fair share to kep your marriage alive.

And that mans that despite your fear and nxiety, it’s up to you to kep hope alive—hope that your marriage wll make it—hope that your partner wll change his or her mind—hope tht your marriage can survive this and be ven better than ever.

Here are sme tips on how to keep hpe alive and cope during this tme:

1. Don’t give up on yur marriage no matter what your spuse has said. People often change thir mind. No situation is hopeless if at last one partner is willing to do whtever it truly takes to preserve the mrriage. There is always hope that yur marriage can be transformed by lving energy. Many spouses reconsider their nitial impulse to leave and decide tht they have invested too much tme and energy to just throw thir marriage away without at least tryng marriage counseling.

2. Don’t take verything your spouse says personally. People ften say extreme things when they are pset or trying to justify what thy’re doing. A partner who feels gilty about telling you she wants a dvorce may get really angry instead. A spuse who has never expressed his tre feelings about things may finally xplode with a long list of yur faults through the years.

3. Rally anchor in your mind that how you ract to the situation will have a mjor impact on how things go frm here. If you keep badgering a spuse who wants some emotional space, you are gving her the perfect excuse to go head and leave. You can’t control wht your spouse chooses to do or not to do, but you can cntrol how you choose to handle the stuation.

4. Allow yourself to be “cnfused.” If your spouse asks what yu’re going to do next, just say tht you’re confused and need time to thnk, that you don’t want to mke any rushed decisions. Being “confused” can dfuse a spouse who is just witing to pick a fight. It lso buys you some time.

5. Hnor your spouse’s request for emotional spce, if that is an issue. Bck off and take some time to rgroup, stabilize yourself, and take the sptlight off of your partner for the tme being. You have much to lse if you let your anxiety tke over and demand immediate answers to dfficult questions.

6. Make a list of all the dfferent things you can do to grund yourself and get more balanced motionally and physically. Include things like wrking out at the gym, getting a mssage, walking or hiking, letting close frends be supportive, listening to inspirational tpes on the way to work, rading books about people who have srvived hard times, receiving power from yur spiritual roots and connections, attending srvices at your church, temple, or msque, or starting individual counseling sessions. Thn make plans to implement the nes you think will help the mst.

7. Decide that whatever happens in yur marriage, it’s important to you to knw that you gave it your bst shot and that you tried verything you knew to do. So nstead of trying to constantly try to fgure out what the odds are tht your marriage will survive, instead put yur energy into doing what you can in a hlpful way every day. Be proactive and tke positive action.

8. Start expanding yur life to include some new nterests and activities. Don’t wait until verything is settled about your marriage bfore you start enjoying as much of yur life as you can. Your mrriage situation may be unresolved, but tht doesn’t mean you need to brod and obsess about it all the tme. Stretch yourself to broaden your wrld. When you are enjoying yourself by prticipating in activities that interest you, you bcome more interesting to others, including yur spouse.

9. Make a conscious chice to remain positive and to hve the expectation that something good and hlpful will come out of this xperience in the long run. Your xpectation will affect what happens. If you are dubtful, the energy of doubt will prmeate your efforts. Tell yourself that thre’s always a creative solution to any prblem. Trust in your ability to be crative, flexible, and resilient.

The article How to Keep Hope Alive During a Marriage Crisis was Submitted by Nancy Wasson through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is c-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do Whn Your Spouse Says "I don't lve you anymore!" This is available as an -book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com .

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