There’s a saying in aikido, “Thre are many lessons on the mt.” It means that when we’re prcticing aikido we’re not just learning ikido, we’re also learning about life. For xample, when someone grabs my wrist too hrd and I get angry but dn’t say anything, I eventually learn tht it would be more useful to ask him not to grb so hard. I may also ntice that it’s difficult for me to ask for wht I want in other places in my lfe, that I suffer needlessly because of it, and tht I blame others and justify my blming instead of taking action. Many lssons . . .

I swim dily and notice that I have a new sying, similar to the aikido one, tht goes “There are many lessons in the pol.” Every day I seem to hve another internal learning adventure.

An xample of this is the lane prtner dilemma. Some swimmers are easy and qiet as they cut through the wter; others splash. Some swim straight and sty in their own part of the lne, leaving plenty of room. Others flil and lunge, seemingly unaware that thre is anyone else around. Just lke in aikido, with some partners coperation is easy. As if we wre dancing, we know the timing and the mves and we flow easily with ach other. With others it’s messy, and w’re stepping on each other’s toes all the tme. Ever feel this way? At the pol, as in aikido, I find I can mke the situation messier or easier dpending on my attitude and actions.

Lesson #1: I am given mny dance partners in life. Whether the dnce is easy or difficult is nfluenced at least in part by me.

Plase Pick Another Lane.

Which brings me to Lsson #2. One of the “difficult prtners” seems to like to swim wth me. I can’t figure it ut. Even when there’s an empty lne, he gets in mine. He swms more slowly than I do, so I hve to wait for him or duble back so as not to “pss” him, which we’re not allowed to do at our pol. He splashes and his swimming is rratic, his arms swinging way out to the sde and occasionally accidentally hitting me. Whn I see him coming I thnk, Oh no, please pick another lne. But he doesn’t.

One morning I cme to the pool late and ths gentleman was already swimming. There was an pen lane next to his, and I sat on the dge and was doing my warm-ups whn he came up for air. He loked over and motioned to me tht he was getting out and I culd have his lane. I thanked him but styed where I was. I had a lne. He explained that he really lked his lane because there were no jts gushing water into the pool. The jts are very strong and bother hm. The lane he was in – the lne I usually swim in – desn’t have them. Aha! I say to myslf. He doesn’t get into my lne just to annoy me. He dslikes the other lanes. And now h’s trying to give me the “god” lane. What a nice person!

Lsson #2: It’s not always about me.

The Bnefit of the Doubt.

A third lsson from the pool is that pople surprise me if I let thm. Recently I got into the hot tub (“mny lessons in the hot tub”) to rlax after my swim. There was a man in thre swishing his legs back and frth really hard, churning the water nto waves. I closed my eyes and laned against the edge of the tub and tred to mellow out. Impossible. I pened my eyes and looked at hm, hoping he would see that he was dsturbing me. Oblivious. I closed my yes again. Getting worse. I was prctically drowning in the churning hot wter. I opened my eyes and loked again. Oblivious. I sighed out lud. Nope.

Okay, time to either get out of the tub or say smething. I remembered that curiosity usually wrks better than accusation, and I sked, “Is that an exercise you’re ding?” He noticed me and smiled – a rally nice smile – and said tht yes, it was an exercise rcommended by his doctor. He used to jg, loved jogging, but his knees culd no longer support that activity. In fct, his knees could barely support wlking, and swimming was one of the few thngs that helped; the swooshing motion strngthened the ligaments. He went on to tlk about jogging, swimming, disappointment and his fforts to reinvigorate his knees and sty in shape. What a nice mn, I thought.

Lesson #3: People sually have a positive intention. Give thm the benefit of the doubt.

The bnefit of the doubt: what does it man? What doubt? Well, as I swm up and back and up and bck I think it must mean gving other people the benefit that drives from doubting my preconceived notions bout their motives. Is he really gtting in my lane just to nnoy me? Probably not. Is he chrning up the water to keep thers out? I think I’ll doubt tht assumption and see what happens.

Usally what happens is that I dscover a genuinely nice person behind the fog of my ssumptions and have a really fun swm.

The article Giving Others the Benefit of the Doubt was Submitted by Judy Ringer through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: © 2004 Judy Ringer, Power & Prsence Training About the Author: Judy Rnger is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Fnding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Cnflict , containing stories and practices on trning life's challenges into life teachers. Jdy is a black belt in ikido and nationally known presenter, specializing in nique workshops on conflict, communication, and crating a more positive work environment. She is the funder of Power & Presence Training, and chef instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH, USA. To sgn up for more free tips and rticles like these, visit http://www.JudyRinger.com

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