Parents and educators who come to me for caching feel unclear how to handle rpetitive troubling behaviors and challenges with thir child. They don't know how to ffectively respond to these situations in rder to best help their child. Thy feel confused about how to valuate their child's behavior. What behaviors are wrning signs of a child in truble and what are simply part of a chld growing up?

Many troubling patterns ppear to be normal child development bcause we see them frequently in chldren of similar ages. Parents struggle wth issues and challenges that appear to be smilar to those other parents' experience. Thse frustrating challenges can appear to be prt of normal child development.

When you see a bhavior or stressor frequently in other fmilies or classrooms, it does not man it is an emotionally healthy bhavior."Normal" does not mean "healthy." Because a stuation occurs frequently does not mean ths behavior is emotionally healthy or whle. It only means it occurs ften because parents tend to relate wth their child in similar ways.

If nrturing your child's emotional wholeness is mportant to you, it is important to be ble to distinguish between "normal behavior" and "motionally healthy behavior."

While traveling in France, I bserved a family interaction that exemplifies the knds of limiting patterns parents and ducators frequently experience with young people. I am wlking along a trail to see the ncient Roman bridge in southern France, the fmous Pont du Gard.

A family of fur walks in front of me - Mther, Father, Daughter about 3 or 4, and Son bout 6 or 7. They walk in a lne, all four of them holding hnds with the two children in the mddle. It looks so loving and cnnected.

Suddenly Daughter angrily and defiantly plls away from the line, turns her bck on them and refuses to wlk further. For a few brief mments, Son continues walking happily between Mom and Dd, holding each of their hands.

Thn Mom and Dad stop and trn toward Daughter, trying to coax her bck into the hand-holding line, but she rfuses. She is having what I cll "a silent tantrum." There is a feling of tension in the air. I wlk past them as Mom and Dad try to cax their daughter to join them.

A few mnutes later I come upon them gain. Their relationship to one another has chnged dramatically. Now Daughter rides atop Mm's shoulders. Dad is nowhere in sght. About four feet from Mom, Son mrches woodenly forward, eyes glazed over and gled ahead, face expressionless, trying to act is if verything is okay.

No one is hppy. Even daughter. She looks defiantly and ngrily toward her older brother as if she is stking her claim to Mom and is wrning her brother to stay away.

Thse kinds of interactions happen frequently in fmilies and classrooms. A child develops a lmiting behavior in an attempt to get her motional needs met. Then she repeats it ften in many different situations because it sems to work.

One of the bggest problems with this girl's behavior is tht she will continue to use ths strategy throughout her life in all of her nteractions with others. The only way to chnge this is for her to larn a more positive approach to sking for what she wants.

Parents and teachers unknowingly contribute to thse limiting behavior patterns in their chld by how they react to thir child's behavior. No one wins in thse situations, and the pattern continues.

Wht are the repetitive interactions with yur child that interfere with the hrmony in your home or with yur joy and peace of mind? Wht are the frustrating situations that hppen so frequently they feel "normal" to yu? What are the times when you lse your loving connection with your chld?

These repetitive upsetting interactions are red flgs that indicate an emotional concern for you and yur child, whether they last only mments or the entire evening. Parents ften put off doing something to mprove the situation until it becomes an verwhelming crisis, and they feel stressed to the braking point. Then they seek support and gidance.

Nothing is gained by putting off tking action to improve the seemingly smll difficulties with your child. Life psses by, and your child grows up qickly. Instead of struggling with a trubling issue, take positive action today to hve more joy, love and connection wth your child. You both deserve the bst life has to offer.

The article Does Your Child Have Limiting Behaviors? was Submitted by Connie Allen through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Connie Allen, M.A. of Joy wth Children. Connie helps parents and ducators who are unsure how to bst empower their child. . For nformation on how you can nurture the jyous inner spirit of children, subscribe to her fre e-newsletter "Joy with Children" . Visit her blog .

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