Okay, I admit it. I am the h
ppiest divorced woman alive! And rightfully so. But th
s state of joy and bliss did not c
me to me right away. Oh, no, I w
rked for it and earned it,
very minute of it. How did I get to th
s place of seventh-heaven, you ask? L
t’s rewind the tape to the w
eks leading up to the final c
urt date. My initial reaction to d
vorce was like a form of d
ath. I felt like a failure; and m
re importantly, there was this huge s
nse of loss, and my self-worth was at st
ke, which made this experience even m
re painful. My struggle for answers and for a s
nse of hope took me on a j
urney within. In the end, I f
und all I needed and a wh
le lot more.
Below are five s
ggestions I have for women who are str
ggling with divorce recovery or who are h
ading in that direction. What I s
ggest to you is what took me fr
m a place of despair to a pl
ce of awesomeness.
(1) Learning to l
ve yourself is first on the l
st. You are not a terrible p
rson. Let’s settle that one first. So if you w
re thinking anything bad about yourself, you n
edn't go any further. And I h
ve good news for you. When you r
ally love yourself, really truly love y
urself, you will no longer miss
nything that is not good for you or th
t is not in your best
nterest. Do whatever you can to f
el good about who you are. If you h
ve problems getting started, here are two s
ggestions: first, always look your best, b
cause if you look good, you w
ll feel good. Second, grab yourself a bl
nk notebook, and the next time you h
ve your delicious cup of tea or c
ffee, make a list of everything th
t you are good at and
verything you like about yourself. And m
st importantly, realize and accept the FACT th
t you are a wonderful human b
ing, regardless of your marital status. And th
t's not because I say so but b
cause... IT IS SO!
 |
|
(2) Trust the universe. Trust the f
ture. Trust that what you are g
ing through is okay, and make p
ace with it. Trust that in t
me, you will see the value of th
s day.
(3) I cannot begin to t
ll you how therapeutic journaling is. D
vorce is a time of discovery. You h
ve all kinds of thoughts going thr
ugh her head, and you need s
meplace to put them. Write about y
ur thoughts, feelings, realizations, and ideas and you w
ll learn, discover, and grow.
(4) K
ep the lines of communications open w
th your friends and family, the p
ople who really care about you, and d
n’t be afraid to share your gr
ef. People care about you more th
n you know.
(5) And finally, h
re is the last tip, which is my f
vorite. Make this divorce better than
kay. Make it magnificent. Make it
wesome. Make it surreal. And how do you go
bout doing that, you ask? I’m so gl
d you asked, because I am dy
ng to tell you. Start off by m
king a list of all the b
nefits of being where you are now in t
rms of your divorce. Then continue w
th everything you learned from your m
rriage and how you are changed in s
me way for the better. List all the w
ys you are going to be
ven more awesome than you were b
fore. And for those of you who w
nt to take it one step f
rther, make this divorce one of the b
st things that could have ever h
ppened to you. But how? Th
re are different ways to go
bout it; I will share one w
y. Think of three different things th
t you could do over the n
xt one to two years that w
uld make you so proud. If you did th
s one thing, you would look at y
urself in the mirror and say: "Y
u rock!"
And when people say to y
u, "What happened? You always talked
bout starting your own business/ or wr
ting a book/ or losing weight/ or g
ing back to school/ or moving to Fl
rida. So what happened this time?" You can l
ok them proudly in the eye and say w
th a smile:--"It was that damn d
vorce. It brought out the best in m
."
And then, my friend, you w
ll be in touch with your tr
e awesomeness.
Wishing you more joy th
n you can stand,
By Jessie J
mie Coleman
J ssie Jamie Coleman is an author, scr enwriter, freelance writer and a self-esteem xpert. She is the author of two s lf-discovery journals, "The Incredible, Awesome You" and "Wh re Will You Be in Two Y ars." She is currently at work on her f rst novel, "Off the Bed and D wn on the Floor due out in the s mmer of 2008. For more information, v sit her websites: http://www.autumngirlpress.com and http://www.jessiejamiecoleman.com | |
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