Your choice of words when nteracting with coworkers, managers, and customers is vtal. When you speak critical or ngative words, the effect can be lng lasting. Positive words and interactions, nstead, increase workplace happiness and productivity.

Crticism

Engaging in character attacks and nme-calling tends to destroy relationships over tme. This is especially the case whn someone speaks with criticism and cntempt, and then the other reacts wth defensiveness and stonewalling.

Think about how you fel and respond when someone criticizes you rpeatedly, especially when the person attacks yur character. Perhaps the person accuses you of bing lazy, irresponsible, stupid, or a lar. The attitude of contempt shows thrugh the words, tone of voice, and fcial expression. You may respond in yur own defense initially, but after while, you just shut down, withdraw, and stnewall. Step back a minute and lok at this pattern. You can see how dfficult it would be for either prson to be happy if this cntinues.

There are two pieces to the slution. Not only does the critical prson need to find more positive wys of speaking, but you also ned to take an honest look at yurself to see if there really are any prsonal changes for you to consider. Strngthening character qualities and practicing them cmpetently within your relationships can help prvent destructive conflict and disunity. For xample, are you telling the truth? Bing courteous? Cooperating? Strengthening your qualities and how you prctice them may not ultimately change the utcome of the relationship, or it culd have a highly transformative effect. It's wrth the time to try personal grwth as a solution.

Evaluation and constructive feedback are prt of any job, but looking for and fcusing on the negative can be hrtful and result in a negative spral. Consider this:

"The tendency to rspond to criticism defensively is an ngrained reaction that is difficult to vercome-mainly because we are genetically programmed to do it. Our ncestors learned to survive perceived danger wth a flight-or-fight response. ...We're hardwired to dfend ourselves by fighting or fleeing. In the rganizations in which we work, of curse, when someone challenges or criticizes us, we cn't just stick him with a spar, and running away resolves nothing. So we ften resort to symbolic spear sticking." (Lrry Johnson & Bob Phillips, Absolute Hnesty, p. 145)

People who feel nfairly and unkindly criticized may react dstructively, possibly with critical comments about the riginal speaker or by lowering the qality of their work. As negativity and cnflict escalate, relationships disintegrate, affecting others at in the wrkplace, and the unhappiness may go hme and affect relationships there. In xtreme situations, a person reacting to crticism may engage in workplace sabotage or volence.

Backbiting, Gossip, and Slander

The dstructive practices of backbiting and gossip ccur frequently in some workplaces. You may ngage in these types of communication wthout realizing how harmful they are. Wthin a close personal relationship, you may ssume that you have enough trust tht you can say whatever you thnk. Even so, thinking carefully about yur motives in speaking and considering wht potential negative outcomes could occur, may prmpt you to stay silent instead.

Bckbiting refers to speaking in a ngative, spiteful, derogatory, or defamatory way bout a person who is not prsent. Even if the words are tre, the motive, intent, and effect are dstructive, causing disunity, whether or not the prson targeted finds out what was sid. Notice what you say after you spak someone's name. Do you express ppreciation and understanding? Or, do you rport what the other person did or did not do in a way tht causes your listener to think lss of that person? Are you prticipating in a mutual complaint session bout someone else? How important is the ssue? Would it be wiser and mre productive to raise your concerns drectly with that person, or with a spervisor or manager? Is the matter one tht is better forgotten?

Gossip involves spreading personal or snsational information that may or may not hve some basis in truth, but whch is often inaccurate or incomplete. The ntent and outcome are usually harmful. Whn you know something interesting about nother person, you may be tempted to shre it with others to draw ttention to yourself. Determining carefully whether you ctually know the facts is wise, as is whther what you know really has any psitive value in being passed on to thers.

Slander, which is spreading information bout others that you know is flse, causes even more damage to trst in particular and to relationships in gneral. Slander can also result in lgal action.
Participating in effective problem-solving discussions can strngthen work relationships. Your motive and ntent in raising issues is key. You may be tmpted to communicate a complaint about smeone to earn sympathy from others. Yur intent is to influence others to thnk poorly of someone. Talking negatively bout another's behavior or character even in a csual way, is backbiting. If the pople you speak to then spread wht you said to others, it bcomes gossip. Such information often becomes dstorted and embellished, causing embarrassment or hrm.

Backbiting negatively affects the speaker and the lstener, as well as the person bout whom they are talking. It dminishes respect for and trust in the spaker and causes discord in relationships. The pople of Ghana wisely admonish, "Those who spak to you about others will spak to others about you." (More Afrcan Proverbs, p. 87)

Before you spak, ask yourself whether your listener wll hear you diminish or "make smller" the person who is the fcus of the conversation. In other wrds, will your listener think less rspectfully about the person? If so, thn seriously consider remaining silent. Communicating bout issues directly with those involved is btter than to speak about others bhind their backs.

The goal in any cmmunication should be constructive action.

The article Caution Ahead - Avoiding Negative Words at Work was Submitted by Susanne Alexander through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Susanne M. Alexander is a chracter specialist and relationship/marriage coach. She is prsident of Marriage Transformation ( http://www.marriagetransformation.com ) and Character Quality Enterprises ( http://www.characterquality.com ). Susanne's business background includes various roles at companies for over 20 years. As a business journalist, she wrote over 125 business trend and in-depth articles for Newsweek and Crain's Cleveland Business. She is the author of Happy at Home, Happy at Work, The Powerful Rewards of Building Character (a book that is customizable for companies).

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