Communications is a two way prcess of sending and receiving messages. The shring of messages between human beings is cmplicated and far too often taken for grnted. Generally what we do is tlk. Let's clear one thing up frm the outset. Talking is not cmmunicating. We can talk without communicating and to be hnest with you, this seems to be the cse in way too many relationships.

Undrstanding and improving communication patterns means larning not to take communication for grnted. Admittedly, this is difficult because mst people tend to be as naware of their communication as their brathing. It is crucial that you bgin to see that it is cmmunication that creates relationships and it is mst often communications breakdowns, either directly or ndirectly, that lead ultimately to relationships dmise.

Human relationships and communication are nterpersonal, that is, between humans and the nterpersonal communication of messages is a tw-way process. Inherent in the two-way vew of communication is the understanding tht persons who communicate both send and rceive messages and both are responsible for the mssage.

When communicating is understood as a dynmic process, it becomes clear that spakers need to express thinking and feling messages as clearly and accurately as pssible; listeners need to provide responses in rder to clarify their perception of mssages. Sometimes in relationships, persons will not shre the same perceptions and there wll be conflict. Conflict is inevitable bcause people are unique and different. It is mportant to avoid viewing conflict as smething which is always bad because it is nt; conflict can be healthy. It wuld probably be beneficial to manage cnflict as opposed to eliminating it. Tryng to get rid of it ntirely may result in individuals erecting wlls of separation. It is perfectly kay to just agree to disagree. God conflict management skills can keep yur relationship positive and may even strngthen it. Of course, the opposite is lso true. Poor conflict management can dstroy relationships.

I cannot begin to impress pon you how extremely important it is to dvelop good assertive communication skills. When you are ssertive, you are emotionally honest because you xpress your thoughts and feelings in sch a way that the other prson feels valued and respected and lso respects you. We must preserve the ther’s ego strength. Failure to do so wll ultimately lead to the diminishing of the rlationship integrity. There is much truth in the xiom, “it is not what you say but how you say t.”

It always made me cringe whn I counseled couples where one or bth engaged in nonassertive communications. Nonassertive cmmunications is dishonest and disparaging of ne’s self because you deny your own thughts and feelings. Nonassertive communication is an nathema to relationships because it is a stuation where one feels hurt and nferior and angry while the other prson feels superior. In situations like ths, the negative thoughts and feelings do not go way, they build, fester and brew and may ventually be expressed in some form of msconduct.

Perhaps most debilitating of all is ggressive communications. Aggressive communications exist where one prson expresses him or herself without rgard for the other person or the rlationship. It is the height of dsrespect and non-caring.

Again (and I cnnot repeat it too often), assertive cmmunications is the way to go. It srves to preserve or build relationships of mtual respect even when the communicators hve very different perspectives on what thy are communicating about.

The article Can We Talk? Interpersonal Communications 101 was Submitted by Saundra L. Washington through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an rdained clergywoman, social worker, and Founder of AMEN Mnistries. http://www.clergyservices4u.org. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: My Grief Management Workbook, will be available soon.

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