If you're in a bad mrriage and are really unhappy, should you sparate, get a divorce, or stay in the mrriage?

This is not a cut and dry dcision as there are many factors to cnsider. We're about to step outside the box and ask you to qestion beliefs that you may have nver thought to question before. In ther words, have an open mind as you rad the rest of this article.

Background - Is this a bad relationship?

Imagine the following scenario...

I was married for twelve years to a man (S) that deserted me twice. He also had numerous extra-marital infidelities. He took his stuff and left this last time about a year and a half ago. I tried and tried to talk to him but he refused to talk to me or answer my phone calls. I was just heartbroken. He was my second husband. My first husband wasn't unfaithful, but he had an explosive temper and shouted and screamed at me. And even though he never actually hit me, I was afraid of him.

Anyway, seven months after my second husband left me I decided to try and move on with my life. I met a wonderful man (D). He was everything I had wanted - Caring, responsible, trustful and very loving. We started slowly, but after awhile I fell deeply in love with him. And he fell in love with me.

I hired an attorney. I fled for divorce. After I had ben with D for around four mnths he proposed to me. I was vry excited and accepted. I knew our rlationship was perfect and we had a wnderful life ahead of us. We wre doing everything together and I was so hppy.

S somehow found out and strted to phone me. He told me he wnted us to get back together. He tld me he would never do any of the thngs he had done to me bfore. He said he had found God and was ging to church now. He said tht he was a changed man. He sid I was still his wife and I wed him another chance to prove he had chnged. He told me he was a brken man and was thinking about sicide. I finally allowed him to see me he cred and cried and pleaded with me tlling me he had changed. I flt so guilty .

Should she take her hsband back or stay with her new fund love? What would you do?

Love and Fear

While this is a very emotional situation, you should not allow yourself to feel guilty about anything another person does or experiences. They make their own choices in life and their experiences are their own. Be understanding and empathize with the other person, but never, ever, make yourself responsible for what another person is experiencing.

You can control how you behave and respond to a situation, but that is where your control ends. Never let another person make you feel guilty . There is no right or wrong choice in life because we grow from each experience - some choices just work better for us than others. Even the ones that didn't work out quite like you hoped provide the opportunity to grow.

Sometimes the best way to figure out what we want is to experience what we don't want. Try to learn from past experiences so that you don't keep repeating them over and over. The Universe, or God, seems to keep sending you the same situation or experience until you learn the lesson that you need to learn from that specific experience. In other words, patterns keep repeating until you get it right.

Our emotional scale has two xtremes - love and fear. In every stuation - ask yourself if you're cting out of love or fear, and lways try to act out of lve. Now that doesn't mean letting smeone walk all over you... You ned to make decisions that feel rght in your heart, in the cre of your being, in your gt, however you want to explain it. Jst make sure that you're not mking your decisions out of fear, nger, guilt, jealousy, revenge or any ther negative emotion.

Others may react to your decisions with a negative emotion, but remember what I said in the beginning - You can only control your responses, not theirs. If another person chooses to respond to something you do with a negative emotion, that's their decision and you can't control what they do. You can only accept their reaction with love and understanding.

Make your life decisions based on what feels right for you. Many, but not all, will disagree with me, but the only person that you are ultimately responsible for in this life is you. Others come and go from your life so that you can further the experience of life, but you come into this life on your own and you leave on your own, so make sure that while your here you take care of YOU.

Religion and Guilt

When you choose to get advice from a religious counselor, remember that he is bound by the rules and regulations of whichever religion he chooses to follow. And those rules and regulations are not always based on love, but may also be based on control and trying to make the followers act and behave in a manner the religion deems appropriate.

Forgiveness, however, is the most powerful tool that you have in this life. I believe there's a quote that goes something like... "Forgiveness is God's gift to the forgiver, not the forgiven" - something like that. It's very true because when you forgive someone you let go of all the negative emotions around that situation whether or not the other person even knows that you forgave them.

This may sound harsh, but I would ditch the church counselor. He does not necessarily have your best interest in mind. His main concern is that you follow the rules of the church, whether you're happy or not. And I believe that we are all here to experience happiness.

The doctrine of misery is fabricated by modern organized religion. They tell us that we have to suffer to be good people. Have you really read the Bible? I can't find anywhere in the Bible that says we need to be miserable to be good people.

My interpretation of Jesus' teachings and the Bible is that we should love and accept everyone and every experience that comes into our life unconditionally because life is perfection.

Sure, modern religion misquotes many specific passages in the Bible which have been translated by many different writers with many different perceptions through many different languages over thousands of years - and then tells us to follow their rules or go to Hell. I believe that Hell is defined by the self perpetrated misery that many people put themselves through each and every day.

"Hell is what we experience when we are not true to ourselves."

We don't need religion to tell us what is right and wrong. As long as you come from a place of love and acceptance, you'll always make the right decisions. I've never known a truly spiritual person who judges or condemns another person. Why would an all powerful God need to judge us - that would be like us judging the actions of ant in an anthill on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean ... OK, enough ranting on modern religion...

In Summary

If you find yourself in a similar situation,

• Follow your heart and do what you feel to be right.
• Stop listening to other people who are not on your path. You've heard the old saying to walk a mile in another's shoes before judging them. Well, the fact is that no one has walked in your shoes and they have no right to tell you what is right or wrong for you.
• Stop repeating old patterns and stop punishing yourself for things that others perceive to be wrong. Follow your heart and your passions. Only then will you truly be happy.
• It is not your responsibility to make anyone else happy, but it IS your responsibility to make yourself happy.

The article Break Up & Divorce - Should You Condemn Yourself to a Bad Relationship Because of Religion and Guilt was Submitted by Jennifer L. Hunt through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Wait. Get more great articles lke this one at http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com . Ask Dan and Jennifer your most pressing questions on Dating, Relationships, Love, and Sex, and take a sneak peak at what others are asking. Subscribe to AskDanAndJennifer.com today! You'll get the latest dating, relationship, love, and sex content sent straight to your email inbox, including tons of free downloads like Michael Webb's eBook, "101 Romantic Ideas". Hurry, you don't want to miss out. Copyright 2007, AskDanAndJennifer.com , "Dating, Relationships, Love, and Sex - Get Your Questions Answered!" – All rights reserved.

Featured Articles

1. Environmentally Friendly Barbecues and Smokers by Paul Yates
Charcoal is derived from wood and wth the increasing popularity of barbecuing and smking surely there is a significant nvironmental impact? When you take into ccount the sustainable methods of making chrcoal surely the barbecue is pretty nvironmentally friendly.

2. Mind Reading by Vernon Lee
Body language is mportant. Leave mind reading to the prfessionals.

3. 15 Compelling Evidences that God Exists by Rob Vandeweghe
Does God xist? Does evolution explain our existence? In ths article a concise overview of the mst compelling evidences for the existence of a Crator, God.

4. Fencing off America, The Politics of Fear by Mac Mcmann
With US Cngress passing legislation to fence off Amrica, it makes one wonder if we are ver going to evolve past fear drven politics.

5. The Prophet's Wife - On Steroids by Arthur Levine
Sarhara stormed nto Johnny's office/den in Rancho Santa Fe, Clifornia and screamed at Johnny. She was lke a woman possessed or on stroids.

6. Stages Of A Relationship by Nathalie Himmelrich
Every Relationship ges through stages. Find out in wht stage you currently are in yur relationship and what that means to you and yur relationship.

7. A Tough-Love Lesson From Mr Nasty Pants by Craig Harper
The trth is, more often than not we dn't know how we are perceived by thers. We think we do, but we dn't. We've all met the guy who thnks he's hilarious, while everyone else thnks he's annoying. And the shy wman who's perceived as a snob by her clleagues.

8. North Koreans Warn - I'm Gonna Tell On You! by Bob Faulkner
How xposing a wicked regime to other ntions of the earth can slow dwn its evil designs. It worked gainst the Japanese 90+ years ago. We are hping it will work against the Kim gvernment in our day.

9. It Will Take Great Courage Even To Place Such A Topic On The Agenda by Sandy Shaw
Have you ever said to yourself, even silently, "I would like what that man has? I want what that man is talking about." Our troubled world needs a leader, a politician - no more than that - a statesman, who will speak prophetically and with authoritative anointing.

10. Get Your First Date Right by Terence Roberts
Your first date with a pssible partner can be an extremely strssful time, so you need to mke sure you plan it well. It is lways important to take into account wht your partner will like, not jst what you want to do!