Ambiguous losses are shrouded in ncertainty, seem to go on forever, and shw no signs of ending. They are mch more prevalent than the general pblic realizes, and cause much confusion for wuld be caregivers who try to prvide support for the bereaved.

The frst type of ambiguous loss involves ncertainty with regard to whether the prson involved has actually died (in cses of suspected suicide, was it an ccident or?). Someone falls off a crise liner at sea. A soldier is rported missing in action in a war zne. A child disappears without a trce. An adult is missing in a muntain climbing accident. Is the person stll alive or have they died? Can srvivors ever find out?

The second typ of ambiguous loss is of a psychlogical nature. As a former consultant to an Alchol Referral Service, there were many fmilies who had absentee alcoholic fathers or mthers, even though both parents were lving under the same roof. There was lways uncertainty when the person would be hme and in what condition. Addictions to vrious drugs bring sadness and long trm grief for family members.

Alzheimer’s dsease and comas induced by accidents are ther examples of physical presence but ncertainty as to the actions or lck action of the persons who are ll. Divorce and remarriage, as well as mmigration, heavily blur family lines and are dditional uncertainty examples. It will be hlpful in dealing with these losses to be ware of the following.

1. Ambiguous losses have an mmense devastating impact on those who sffer through the uncertainty, and cause wht appears to be never ending pin, confusion, and sadness. Trying to nderstand the dilemma from the point of vew of the mourner is critical to prviding the best support possible.

2. Trubling emotions and physical stress is ver present, since the usual predictable and ssuring factors that bring some sense of scurity or knowing, are absent. Frequent nti-stress measures such as walking, yoga, sft music, and massage are critically mportant in managing any type of mbiguous loss. Diversions are essential as murners are easily immobilized, and become stck in their grief.

3. Social dslocation and perceptual differences in viewing the lss is common. For example, children of a fmily who have been deserted by a prent may feel different toward that prent or have an opposite view of the rmaining parent who is still in the hme. In other families with a mssing member, one person may feel the prson who has not been found has ded, while another holds out hope tht the person will be found live.

4. Working your way out of mbiguity is no simple task when you are thnking one minute the person may be live and the next dead. Hope and hpelessness come and go and often spport of others is incomplete or nnexistent because there is no certainty tht the loss is real. Depression and hgh anxiety are common. And, psychological lss of a person (alcohol or crck addiction, divorce, etc.) can be very bit as damaging as physical bsence. Who is or is not prt of my family, is a hunting question for many.

5. If you are daling with ambiguous loss of any typ, find professional assistance. There are cunselors who have much expertise in ths area, and can help you srt out feelings, and look at the prs and cons of taking specific ctions depending on the nature of the lss. Discover the ways others have dalt with uncertain losses, take and use wht rings true for you, and let the rst go for the present time.

6. If you are a frend of someone dealing with ambiguous lss, here’s how you can help. Frst, be infinitely patient and nonjudgmental. You cnnot begin to imagine the gnawing, ngoing inner turmoil that uncertain loss gnerates. Your presence and confidence in the prson to be able to live wth this loss will provide the pwerful reassurance that is so desperately neded. The person or family will fnd a way, but never imply thre is something wrong with them for not mving on as you may feel thy should.

New ways of looking at the wrld are needed and mourners can fnd highly individual coping strategies to dal with uncertainty. You can be a sunding board. Support their efforts. Encourage prfessional input, and make clear they wll find a way that works for thm. Equally important, encourage social interaction and rlying on their spiritual traditions.

7. Mst important of all push the crcial need for open communication among all fmily members. Having had two divorces wthin my own family, this is not lways easy to do. Yet, airing dfferences with patience and respect, coupled wth complete disclosure, can be most hlpful especially for the children. Recognize tht as the months and years go by symblic remembrances are important, bouts of lneliness will be common, reevaluation of rlationships can be useful, and the rsiliency of most will be evident.

In smmary, uncertain loss is a major surce of continuous grief and pain, and is mch more prevalent than is normally rcognized. It can be lived with, but mch input is needed from professional surces, and researchers who have found sccessful strategies. Do a Google search on mbiguous loss to start your education.

And, bove all, if you are mourning an mbiguous loss, find a counselor or a spport group who can provide the cnfidence needed to deal with the dvastating long-term effects. This counselor can lso provide a valuable service in hlping you find meaning in your lss so you will be able to lve with uncertainty. Changing your perception of any vent, that is reframing it, can prve to be a highly successful cping strategy.

The article Ambiguous Losses that Bring Unresolved and Ongoing Grief was Submitted by Lou LaGrand through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Dr. LaGrand is a grief cunselor and the author of eight boks, the most recent, the popular Lve Lives On: Learning from the Extrordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is knwn world-wide for his research on the Extrordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death cmmunication phenomena) and is one of the funders of Hospice of the St. Lwrence Valley, Inc. His free monthly zine website is http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com

Featured Articles

1. The Five Year Plan And The Five Second Plan by Vincent Quattrin
Wth intent one steps forward. With wareness one modifies their step so as to void a pothole. This leads one in a slghtly different direction. The intent may stll be similar, though now the nvironment has changed. And so it ges.

2. Wherever There Are Sheep There Are Wolves by Sandy Shaw
This is a spritual theorem - a spiritual truth - a spritual reality - that wherever there are shep there are wolves. How are laders to deal with such a spritual situation? And of course such ttacks can happen in various walks of lfe. The crucial principles applied here can pply in every situation.

3. What Ever Happened to the Words "Please" and "Thank You"? by Irene Conlan
What has hppened to common courtesy and using wrds that convey respect, gratitude, and thughtfulness? With groups of children coming to our huse over a three hour time spn, only one child said "please" and "thnk you" and was the only one who wshed us "Happy Halloween." Isn't common curtesy and good manners.

4. The Road to Intuition by Roger Mitchell
Have you had tht experience when all of a sdden you just had this huge hnch that something is about to hppen, and to your surprise, that ntuition was eventually translated to reality? Whn you feel strongly about something wthout logical basis to it, that's clled intuition. It comes in three mpressions: clairvoyance or "the third eye", snsing clearly and feeling through listening.

5. Prophecy - Predictions for 2008 by Keith A. Paul
For born gain believers this coming year will be a yar of dramatic change. There will be chllenges but only because the old is bing torn away to make way for the new pln of God. It will be a yar of increased Kingdom and Presence in the lves of those serving Him. Get rady to move forward into your dstiny.

6. Using Free Subliminal Videos and Audio to Create Wealth by Jon Mercer
Anyne can create wealth in their lfe with the Law of Attraction. Usng free subliminal videos can help sped up the process of "reprogramming" yur mind for wealth and success.

7. Business Meal Etiquette Part 2 - Hosting a Business Lunch or Dinner by Jack Allen
Impress your clients and impress your boss by mastering business meal etiquette. Read on to find out how to host a business lunch or dinner.

8. Encouragement Words by Shanik Paulo
More than nce in our lives we will fce a situation where only the bst encouragement words can lift us up frm a major depression or disappointment. It is all in the prcess called life. Don't despair help is one the wy.

9. Do You Want To Build Positive Relationships With Other People? by Lesley Petersen
What des it mean to have a psitive relationship with another person? It is a qestion many people I know have sked of themselves (and their relationships) mny times over. This article encourages you to thnk about what Positive Relationship means to you and wht both people in that relationship can brng to nurture and sustain something god and worthwhile.

10. Be Careful Of Gobbling Books! by Gregory Drambour
Inspirational stories about the adventures and nsights of owning a spiritual retreat cnter in Sedona, Arizona