If you've recently found out tht your husband is cheating on yu, this may be the most mportant article you'll read about how to dal with your his affair. There's plnty of information available on what to do if yur husband is cheating. But very lttle has been written about the thngs you shouldn't do during those frst few hours or days after you dscover your husband's affair.

You just fund out that your husband is chating on you. You're not sure wht to do. Before wrestling with tht decision, let's focus first on wht you SHOULDN'T do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they later regret -- things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they may later receive.

This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can complicate matters and make a bad situation worse. Let's look at 5 key things you SHOULDN'T do and examine the reasons why.

1. Don't put him out or lave him - yet.

Instead of your frst move, putting your husband out or laving him should be your last rsort. You may eventually decide to do ths, but for now, it's the wrst thing you can do. Right now you ned to keep a close eye on wht's going on. It'll be easier to do tht if the two of you are stll living under the same roof. If you put him out or lave, you'll be hard-pressed to know wht he's doing, short of hiring an nvestigator. As long as you're still tgether, you can keep your finger on the plse of his affair and gather sme much-needed facts. There's a lot you ned to know about the situation bfore you can make an intelligent dcision about whether to go or to sty - and on what terms. Cntinue monitoring your husband's activities, his ttitude, the frequency of his contact wth his lover and any other dtails concerning his affair. Write everything dwn in a journal for future se. Also bear in mind tht as long as he's still thre, you have a chance to wrk things out.

2. Don't tell the whole world about his infidelity.

It's natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband's affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the "other woman." Make sure you're confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband's affair could complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they're in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband's friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not take you seriously. Or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren't the only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they've been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband's affair.

3. Don't ignore his ffair or pretend it's not happening.

Going nto denial will only make matters wrse. As traumatic as it is to fnd out that your husband has ben cheating, you need to face the rality of the situation. Ignoring his nfidelity gives him the go-ahead to cntinue his affair. Pretending it's not hppening will make him think he's gtting away with his cheating, or gve him the impression that he has yur silent approval. At some point you shuld inform your husband that you knw about his affair and make it clar that you want it to stp. The sooner you confront him bout his cheating, the better. The lnger you wait to bring it up and xpress your disapproval, the more attached he wll become to the other woman. And the hrder it will be to get yur marriage back on track. Remember to, that affairs thrive in secrecy. Smetimes, just telling your husband you knw about it, will be enough to put a stp to his affair.

4. Don't confront him without the 3 P's - Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose.

Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. Do not ask your husband if he's cheating. Cheaters lie. Present the evidence you've gathered that proves he's having an affair - names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it's been going on, how he feels about the other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you can make a wise decision about what course of action to take. Do not confront your husband without proof of his infidelity. It will only be a waste of time. Unless you can prove he's been cheating, the information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. If you need proof, there's a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software or surveillance equipment. "Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs" ( www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com ) will help you find all the proof you need using only your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and the information in this book. Or request the FREE Special Report on the 21 Categories of Telltale Signs (see below)

5. Don't waste your time and energy on the other woman.

One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other woman. It's natural for you to be curious about her, but she's not worth your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs. Don't obsess over the details of what happened between the two of them. Concentrate on working things out between the two of you. Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She's not obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling her will only make your husband come to her defense. You'll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart Forget about the other woman and focus your energy and efforts on getting your marriage back on track.

Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final outcome depends on the way you handle things when you first discover your husband's affair. In the initial stages, you may be unsure exactly what you're going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes, leaves the way clear for whatever decision you eventually make.

© 2003-2004 Ruth Houston All rights reserved.

The article 5 Things You Shouldn't Do If He's Cheating On You was Submitted by Ruth Houston through Articles.GetACoder.com network. Here's the additional information: Ruth Houston is the author of "Is He Chating on You?-829 Telltale Signs." For mre information about the book, infidelity or chating husbands, visit http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or http://InfidelityAdvice.com To receive a FREE Special Report which describes each of the 21 Categories of Telltale Signs , send an e-mail to InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with “21 categories” in the subject line.

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